If it was Gale
by ttfoxxy
Summary: A book based on the first Hunger Games book if Gale had gone to the the Hunger Games instead of Peeta. Katniss and Peeta are together before the Hunger Games. This is my first FanFic because I just felt like giving it a go. Hoping it is alright. Rated T because I don't really understand the ratings.
1. Chapter 1

Cold air rushes into my room and wakes me from my nightmares. I smile as I see that Prim is with my mother, they look so beautiful together when they sleep, Prim looks so young and so does my mother, but what I love seeing is how happy they look. I go down to the kitchen after changing into my hunters jacket and boots and sitting on the table are two cheese buns. I smile to myself, Peeta. He must have brought them this morning, he always does this every Sunday, leaving me and Gale a plate of baked goods. Then all the air is sucked from my lungs. Seeing my mother and Prim this morning has made me forget that today is the day of the reaping, the growing feeling of fear rises up in my throat. My name is in the reaping bowl twenty times, there are twenty little slips with my name carefully printed on them in swirly handwriting.

I push this thought from my mind and force myself into the freezing weather outside. Immediately the wind forces itself on my face turning my lips into icy blue. I let my boots tread silently through the snow until I reach the fence, the silent fence that should be buzzing with electricity but rarely works. I slip through the weakest spot in the fence where all the wires have been corroded from each other by the bad weather and head over to the rock where I will meet Gale. I wait always wanting to hear Gale coming before he announces his presence but I never do. Behind me comes his voice that makes me whip around,  
"Hey Catnip." He smiles at me, this isn't really my name, my name is Katniss but ever since I've known Gale he has called me Catnip but that's a long story. In his hand he is holding up a rabbit, the arrow is still in it and I smile. The first kill of the day. "The thing practically ran across my feet."  
I laugh, he is obviously worried for later because I can see the crease between his brow, but I say nothing because I know say things won't help, saying things won't change that his name is in the reaping bowl forty two times.

Then I remember what Peeta left us, I retrieve the buns from my pocket and show them to Gale. He dislikes Peeta, so I know his reaction to them being from Peeta won't be great but food is food and when it's this good no one will resist.  
"Well how kind of your friend to think of us today." His reaction shocks me because even though I know he dislikes Peeta he never snarls when he is referring to him. The way he says the word friend also annoys me. He says it in such an accusatory way that he catches me off guard. I never understood why they hated each other so much but Gale makes fun of me being with him as often as he can. The other week he almost told my mother I was seeing him, which would cause a natural disaster. My mother would create a storm so huge over the fact that I was seeing Peeta that they would still be picking up the pieces after the ninetieth Hunger Games (we are currently on the seventy fourth). Especially after the bomb that would be detonated when she told Peeta's mother who has hated my guts for about five years. I glare at Gale but he just laughs, of course he does because he thinks that nothing he says bothers me but it does. The more he hints to my mother about it the angrier I get and the closer I come to hunting on my own.

After we eat we walk along our snare line, collecting a few squirrels and rabbits. A descent haul but nothing to exciting, for a brief moment my eye caught site of a deer but then it disappeared from my view immediately, cowering at human presence. We took a brief trip to the Hob (the black market trading area in district twelve) and sold all our goods quickly. Then we parted, Gale went home to help all his brothers and sisters get ready for the reaping, whilst I went to see Peeta. We decided to meet at the school gates because most people would be hiding in their homes, calming young children and hoping so much that it wasn't their child's name reaped out the bowl to become a tribute in Hunger Games. Meaning that their child would be thrown into a vast arena where a boy and girl from each district (twenty four tributes in total) would be force to fight to the death in penance for the uprising that took place 74 years ago.

I arrive at the school gates, and there he stands his blonde hair shuffling in the rain, his blue eyes sparkling in the sun. I hid my smile as much as I can but for all I know this could be the last time I see him so I decide to let my smile show, a little. I can see him smirking at me the way he always does when I try to pretend I am not overly happy to see him. As I get closer and closer that feeling of longing within me starts to grow stronger and stronger until I think I might burst. Then I rise onto my tip toes and kiss him. There is a warm feeling that radiates from his lips, spreading through my body until it reaches the tips of my toes and fingers. Then I release myself, untangling my hands from his hair. He smiles down at me,  
"Well, good morning to you too." He seems so calm, and why shouldn't he be when his name is only in the reaping bowl five times, the possibility of him being reaped is so minimal that it is easily ignored.

He leans his forehead into mine looking at me as if he is trying so desperately to read my expression.  
"I love you Katniss Everdeen." He smiles.  
"I love you too Peeta Mellark." I finally let a smile escape onto my lips and then with a light kiss, he wishes me luck and tells me he will see me later tonight. I suppose it would have made everything easier if we had just met after the reaping when there was more time, but I will not tempt fate, if we planned to meet tonight then one of us get reaped and that is the unthinkable.

I rush home, practically bursting through our shredded door and into our coal dusted kitchen where I find Prim and my mother ready to go. My mother is as usual out of her emotional coma for the reaping day, the only day where I think she seems normal.  
"Where have you been!" She almost screams at me, I am taken aback. "Did you forget what today was or were you just not going to bother to show up at all?" She sounds far too normal to be my mother she sounds like a caring parent instead of an absent minded body. "I have laid out a dress on your bed, I have also made you a bath, now be quick you have only one hour to scrub all the coal from you." I sigh and head out to my room.

In my dress is a beautiful knee length blue dress that was obviously one of my mothers before she moved from the merchant side of town to the seam to live with my father. This gives me a glimpse of how much she must have loved him she would make that move from well fed to starving. This gesture of the dress is clearly my mother trying make up for the fact she is barely awake for the other 364 days of the year. I get in the bath and make an attempt of removing all the coal but it is in vain, there is no way this is coming off. Then I slip myself into the dress and go out to show my mother. She smiles, it is the first time she has smiled in years and then she braids my hair into an exquisite and complex braid. Then I take my sisters hand because I can see she is trembling and we go to the main square. I kiss my sister goodbye as we reach the signing in centre and then once my finger has been pricked I push my finger onto the relevant square leaving a spot of blood so they can keep tabs on our population and go over to where all the other sixteen year old girls were.

I caught sight of Peeta standing close to Gale, where as Peeta looked as vacant as my mother does and then Gale looking ferociously confident and looking straight at me, he gives me a smile and then looks away again. There is a tap on the microphone up ahead and Effie Trinket stands up on the stage with her shocking pink wig and Capitol accent. She is obviously overly happy because she wants to appear as a great escort so she is promoted to a better district. Coming from the Capitol which is the richest area in Penem (our country) which has everything whist we have nothing. The Effie announces  
"Welcome welcome! Now we have an exciting video brought all the way from the Capitol." Her accent is unbearable missing letters whilst using harsh tones on others. She gestures to the large screen where President Snows voice starts to boom out all the speakers. He tells us about the war and the uprising of the districts and about how now all the districts are being punished for what happened by a pageant called the Hunger Games where 24 children a boy and girl from each district would be sent off to the Capitol to fight in a vast arena to the death. The lone victor surviving with the weight of twenty three dead on his shoulders. He doesn't talk about the weight of the death tolls but he tells us of the glory you will receive if you win.

The video is then cut off and all eyes are back to Effie Trinket. At this moment Haymitch the only living victor from District Twelve stumbles onto the stage and falling into his seat. My face immediately moulds into that of scorn, our only victor and he is drunk day and night, no wonder we never have victors when we have him mentoring all our tribute. Effie interrupts my thoughts,  
"First, the girls." She walks over to the girls reaping bowl and extends her spidery long fingers into the bowl. She opens the slip of paper and as my heart is thudding out of my chest she reads out, "Primrose Everdeen."


	2. Chapter 2

Prim! I wasn't even worried about her because she had her name in that bowl once, just once. I see my little sister walking out, wearing the reaping outfit I first wore, it hangs so loose on her that the top is hanging out at her back making it looks like she has a tail. My feet are running after her before my mind and as peace keepers chased after me,  
"Prim, Prim!" I was screaming her name, "I volunteer, I volunteer as tribute." As small gasp comes from the crowd. Peace keepers block me in and march me towards the stage. Prim starts screening at me and I try to hold back tears begging her to go back, find mum. It's not until a peace keeper drags her away that I can finally walk up onto the stage. Effie holds a hand out to me,  
"Well what's your name?"  
"Katniss Everdeen." I try to hold back my tears, I can't seem weak to everyone.  
"Was that your sister then?"  
"Yes is all I manage."  
"Let's have a huge clap for our very first volunteer Katniss Everdeen." Effie claps but the crowd remains silent. Then one by one the raise three fingers to their lips and turn their hands palm forward to me. This is a sign that means we do not condone this behaviour, it is wrong and we know it. Now I am really close to crying. I search the crowd for Peeta but I can't see him, I need his reassurance his steady hand around my shoulders.

This is the moment when Haymitch decides to try and give my a hug spluttering words that I think said, "This is a fiesty one, I like her." But he is completely of the mark with here he thought I was, hugs the air and then falls flat on his face. Although he disgusts me he has turned the cameras away from me which gives me a chance to release a small sob from my throat. Effie bustles herself of to the boys reaping bowl trying to bring attention back to her,  
"And for the boys," she grasps the first piece of paper she could get her hands on. "Peeta Mellark."  
"No!" A scream escapes from my lips. I can't fight him, I can't, I can't. The crowd of people parts to make way for him, but another voice shouts out.  
"I volunteer as tribute."


	3. Chapter 3

My head whips round to see who it is. All I see is Gale. No, why did he do this, fighting Gale is no better than fighting Peeta.  
"Oh my!" Is all she says, I a district as far out as we are, one volunteer is rare, two is unheard of. Peeta stands there not knowing what to do. But Gale strides forward onto the stage locks his hand with mine and we just stand there. "Well here we have it, the tributes from district twelve. And remember May the odds be ever in your favour." Of course the famous motto that just rubs in the fact that the odds are never in our favour.

We are now hustled off inside the Justice Building where we will spend an hour saying goodbye to our families, we only get three minutes with each person though so I will have to be quick. First in are my mother and sister. Prim runs straight into my arms and my mother later join us. Prim makes me promise I will try to win. Then I speak to my mother.  
"You can't leave her," I am looking straight into her eye, if you leave her so help me I will never forgive you. Then the peacekeepers told us our time was up, I kissed my mother goodbye, hugged my sister like I would never let her go and then I have to watch them leave knowing I would never see them again.

Seconds later Peeta burst through the door, I fell into his arms, weeping heavily making the collar off his shirt saturated. Slowly I pull away realising crying and making myself look weak and an easy target was really not my best option. Slowly he took my face into his hands, his forehead pressed against mine and said:  
"You have to win, Katniss. Not for me, you have to win for Prim and for your mum." He looks at me with tears starting to well up in his eyes.  
"But what if it comes down to me and Gale, I can't kill him Peeta I just can't."  
"I know, but we need they to survive, and so do I. Katniss I love you so much." I manage a smile before saying.  
"I love you more." I see him smile and I realise this could be the last of his smile I see. I kiss him goodbye knowing I will probably never see him again and break apart as the peacekeepers drag him from my room, but they are not so fast that they stop him pressing something in my hand.  
"I will always love you." But before I can say anything in reply, the door is slammed between us so I whisper  
"I love you too." I whisper this so quietly that  
I barely hear it myself.  
I open up my hand to see what he has left me and there facing me is a beautiful gold mockingjay pin. I recognise it as the pin he once showed me that belonged to his grandmother who died in the games. I try to compose myself more tears will not help. No one else comes in, at first I think this is strange, I always assumed that tributes would get scores of visitors. But then I remember that I don't really have many friends I only ever speak to my sister, my mum, Gale and Peeta.

Then the peacekeepers come in and order me to go with them, still clutching at the gold pin in my palm I leave and can only imagine how terrifying the next few weeks will be. I see Gale coming out of his room and he looks as though he has seen a hundred ghosts. I can't believe how self centred I have been, whilst I have been worrying about how hurt I will be I forgot about all Gales brothers and sisters. They have just had to say goodbye to the only real make figure in their lives and it is because of me.  
"Gale, why did you..." I am about to ask him why he volunteered but he interrupts me.  
"If Peeta had gone in with you, can you honestly tell me that you would have been able to kill him?"  
"No but I can't" he cuts me off again.  
"You have to come back Catnip, I know you can win but I know I am not coming home because I know I have to protect you. I always have." All my grief leaves me and I am suddenly angry. When I was out hunting to get food after my father had died I didn't know him then. He hasn't always protected me I used to manage on my own, how dare he say that he always protected me. He would never have protected me had I not traded archery lessons with him for him teaching me to make snares. Had we not done that he would never have bothered being my friend.

Before I can retaliate I am whisked off to a black car that is parked behind the justice building. In the car I steady my breathing and compose myself knowing my picture will be taken by thousands of reporters within the next two minutes when we arrive at the train station. The car stops and as soon as I get at I am bombarded with people taking my picture. Effie Trinket carefully steers me through the crowd and pushes me onto the gleaming silver train, Gale is already on board so as soon as the door is shut behind me the train pulls away leaving all the flashing cameras behind us.

Gale looks over to me, as he does so something snaps inside me. "Don't you ever tell me you have always protected me, when my dad died for three years you didn't protect me you didn't know me. Even after you met me the only reason you were friends with me was because you got some archery lessons out of it so never ever say you have always protected me because you haven't." I had totally forgotten by the end that on the train with us was Effie and Haymitch.  
"You're a feisty one aren't you?" A slurred voice comes from behind me. Haymitch. I give him one of my signature scowls before turning back to Gale.  
"Catnip, you know I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that I really care about you. That's all but maybe if you are that angry then I should regret volunteering to die so you could come home to your boyfriend. I guess I am just a horrible, selfish inconsiderate waste of a human being. God forbid I do something nice. Let's pick at the way he phrased the fact that always protecting you meant... meant.…" He stops and headed off down the corridor. He goes into his room and I can hear the full force that he slammed the door with from here.

I can see Haymitch laughing behind me without realising what I was doing until I had done it I picked up a knife from the dining table, threw him against the wall and pressed the knife to his neck. "What is so funny to you about both of us being shipped off to the Capitol to die?" He carries on laughing so I apply more pressure with my knife. This man is more repulsing than I could imagine and standing so close to him meant I kept being repulsed by him breathing liquor fumes into my face.  
"Sweetheart, you have to know what is so funny. It is obvious."  
"What, what is so obvious that it is hilarious and I can't see."  
"You will have to ask the boy it isn't my place to say, would you mind removing that knife from my neck so I can get a drink." I slowly move the knife and then stalk off to my room. Today really isn't going to be my day so I may as well go to bed now to cut it short.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

I woke up screaming for my father to run. I haven't had this dream for over a year now because I have started to feel safer, since I have been with Peeta, the dreams slowly stopped but today the dreams are back and Peeta will be no comfort to me. I let myself start to dreamily think of Peeta, his eyes that make me forget every worry, his smile that could light up the Hob one those rare days he went with me, it wasn't until Effie started tapping on my door that I was drawn from my daydreaming. "Wake up; it is going to be a BIG, BIG day!" He voice trilled through my door with her Capitol accent and forced me to train my thoughts into getting up. Slowly I walked over to the shower and after five minutes of fiddling with various button I got it to work, lathering soap all over me until I felt clean and fresh. I picked some clothes from the draws in my room; the Capitol hadn't shied away from spending showing off its riches. There must have been dozens of different outfits to suit everyone's preferences. I opted for a satin shirt and black trousers, pulling on a pair of black boots so I didn't arrive at breakfast in a pair of socks. I then pinned my mockingjay pin to my shirt before leaving my room.

When I did go down the train into the dining compartment where Gale, Haymitch and Effie were already eating from huge piles of food placed in front of them. I sat down at the spare seat and an Avox immediately put in front of me a huge platter of fruits cheeses and hams, also there was a steaming cup of coffee and bread that was already on the table. I look across to Haymitch and say, "How do you get sponsors then?"

"Aren't you a little eager?"

"Well, let's see it is either being eager or die most likely so I think I will be eager. How. Do. You. Get. Sponsors?" I said it very slowly just to annoy him.

"Mind your manners young lady." Effie cut the conversation short, my manners were defiantly something to be desired, and I have never cared for manners so I have none. How will manners get food on the table when your mother is so depressed she can barely get out of bed? I think of saying this to Effie but I don't think she could understand or would want to. "Okay we need to discus today schedule. First we will arrive in the Capitol within the next hour, and then you will be taken to the prepping rooms where your prep team will make you all beautiful for the tribute parade and then your stylists will dress you and look after you until we go down for the parade. Finally after the parade we will go up to our floor where we will all be staying until the Games start. Okay?" Both myself and Gale nod our heads, I hate being told exactly what I have to do with my day but I think this will be the way Effie will operate until we go.

I turn to Haymitch smiling as sweetly as humanly possible "Any advice?"

"Don't say no to anything." I see the colour drain from Gales face and I am my face looks the same.

"But what if..." My sentence is cut short.

"Not buts your stylists will be smarter than you think." The entire train is then plunged into darkness as we passed through the tunnel that will take us to the Capitol. We all go silent and I walk up to the window, I want to see all the riches that they are keeping for themselves all the extras they have whilst we struggle to survive in District Twelve.

Light floods into the train as we emerge from the other side of the tunnel, I gasp as I see it. Every building glows with colour and bright lights and billboards are scattered on the buildings with Panem's sign plastered on every other building we passed. Each person we passed looked more grotesque than the last. The plastic surgery the Capitol offered its citizens ranged from thinning treatments to skin dying. I passed one person with purple skin, hair shaped into the perfect cube that had stripes of purple, pink and red. Clothes made of rich fabrics layered on top of each other, random decorations such as flattened images of animals or some had previous winners of the Hunger Games such as Finnick Odair who won his games at fourteen but was so gorgeous that he had every sponsor on his side and women falling over their feet to meet him. He is still so adored by the Capitol now even after he has gained his reputation for only dating women for a week before leaving them again.

We stopped at the train station where there was thousands upon thousands of Capitol citizens all wanting to catch a glimpse of their latest tributes. I checked I had my pin with me and then Effie pushed me and Gale toward the train doors before practically throwing us onto the train platform. People starting calling to us and waving and although I haven't spoken to Gale since we argued last night I found his hand and gripped to it as though my life depended on it. We managed to fight our way between the two sides at the crowd that was randomly grabbing at our arms trying to get a piece of our fame. When we finally made it to the training centre we were pulled apart and taken to separate training rooms.

**(I am going to skip through the part with Cinna and the Prep team as that will be the exact same as in the book)**

I arrived at the training centre and saw Gale wearing the same black catsuit as me and when he saw me he looked surprised and possibly slight awed. "Catnip, you look... You look amazing! I don't think I have ever seen you wearing anything apart from hunting gear."

"Well I suppose you scrubbed up well yourself," He laughs at me and I laugh too. It is the first time I have laughed in days. Cinna sets our capes on fire and then we are in the chariot. The flames feel hot to my neck but in a warm way not a 'get this cape off me I think I'm being set on fire way'. Then the chariots head out. Crowds are roaring as the horse drawn carriages enter the huge square and laps around it past all the spectators. Before us eleven other chariots pull out and then we entered the square. The immediate uproar is shocking, our names are called out and we have beautiful flowers thrown to us. I catch a rose and smile as the scent fills my nose, it is the perfect red rose and once I have blown a kiss in the direction the flower came from a collection of hands rise up to catch it. I find myself laughing thinking about a kiss being something you could catch.

After President Snow has given his speech and we are safely back inside a swarm of people come to extinguish our flames before Effie whisked us to our floor.


	5. Chapter 5

**(I have skipped through training because it doesn't affect the story. Katniss still got an eleven and Gale got a ten.)**

Lights flicked on and music blared as Caesar Flickerman skipped onto the stage, his hair gleaming a bright blue along with his eyelids. He was the most famous TV presenter in Panem and the only presenter when I think about it. Slowly each tribute takes to the stage, district 1, 2 and 4's tributes glowing and showing of how self assured, confident and determined they were. You could tell how much practise they had been given each one being fierce but also having their own twist of personality. Each one is beautiful, sassy, aggressive or deadly. Even other tributes such as fox face from 5 who was the cleverest human I had met to Rue who was small but told the crowd not to count her out.

Finally it came to me and I slowly ascended onto the stage and Caesar took my hand and lead me to my chair.  
"So Katniss are you nervous?" Caesars eyes looked so black but his face looked concerned which made me feel confused and unnerved.  
"No, what is the point of being nervous; I must focus on surviving this." A smile spread across Caesars face, I must have given him some kind of angle to work with.  
"Yes we all saw your friend volunteer for that boy. Your reaction was a unique one I must say."  
"I knew I couldn't fight the boy who first got reaped, he is my friend and the idea of losing him was unbearable."  
"Friend? Is that all nothing more than a friend like your reaction would suggest?" I knew that I had to say, especially if I wanted sponsors.  
"No, Peeta and I have been together now for a year. And if I could see him right now I would tell him how much I love him and how much I can't wait to get home so I can see him again." The crowd all 'ahhed' and 'oohed' at what I said.  
"What about your sister what would say to her?"  
"I would tell her that I am so sorry that for now I won't be there to collect her from school and to protect her because to protect her is something that I have dedicated my life to." The buzzer rang and Caesar said his goodbyes and pointed me to the stairs that would lead me to my sets where I would sit until the end of the interviews.

My attention then turned back to the interviews when Gale came on stage and began his interview with Caesar.  
"Gale, why did you choose to volunteer?"  
"To protect Katniss." It is the first time in a long while he has called me by my real name.  
"But why? Why risk everything for her."  
"Because I know how much she loves Peeta and I am prepared to put everything on the line to keep her happy."  
"Even your life?"  
"My life, my feelings, my …" he trailed off and Caesar immediately picked the conversation up again.  
"Feelings?" Are you to say you have feelings for Katniss? Girl on fire?"  
"Well… I… um…" he stuttered through his words.  
"Well?"  
"Yes, I suppose I do but I can ignore them if she is happy with Peeta."  
The buzzer goes off and I feel my jaw dropping open. I know I am blushing uncontrollably because I can see my face on every screen, Gale makes his way to the stand with and as soon a Caesar has wrapped the interviews up and as soon as the lights turned off I made a hasty exit and got into the first lift I could that meant I was stuck with the girl and boy from 4.

"Got two boys fighting for you know?" The girl sneered as her companion laughed. "If I were you, I would pick the other tribute boy with you, seeing as you will never see your other friend." The boy smirked at me as it took all my strength not to slap her. The lift stopped at their floor as they pushed past me and then I was thankful to be alone. Once I got to twelve's floor I ran to my room, I couldn't face seeing, why did he do this. How could he do that to Peeta, who will now be at home probably incredibly angry and I would hope really missing me? With my door locked I ran into the shower slammed my hand on a few button and let the shower clean me of all today's problems.

I crawled into bed desperately hoping to get a good night sleep but I couldn't, tomorrow I was going to fight my death and I might have to kill my best friend who apparently loves me.


	6. Chapter 6

Peeta POV:

I threw a glass at the wall and watched it shatter into a million pieces. How dare he, how dare he say that he has feelings for my Katniss. He is making out that he is some kind of hero saving Katniss from having to lose her boyfriend. He doesn't understand what I would give to be there for her right now. For me to be able to hold her in my arms and tell her that everything is alright. That is what loving someone is, not stopping someone from spending their last few days alive with the one they love. I prayed that my name would be reaped so I could protect her but once my prayers were answered he stopped me being able to protect her like only the ones you love can. He is no better than the careers, he just wants the glory.

I watch as Katniss blushes, she never blushes. She is glowing bright red with her jaw open. How could she look like this, what about me? WHAT ABOUT ME? Does she care that every minute I spend apart from her is a minute where a small part of me dies. She must know Gale doesn't love her, that it is all for the cameras. She has to know that. After everything she said about me to Caesar, she goes and reacts like this when Gale lies about his feelings. No, this is not my Katniss. My Katniss is loyal and perfect not a shallow, blushing little girl.

I calm my breaths, I am over reacting. Anyone would blush at what he just said about her and it isn't like she has feelings for him. She has told me countless times she has no feelings for him and as long as she doesn't have feelings for him, I don't have to worry. I grab a brush and clear away the shards of broken glass, if my mother saw me throwing the glass I would be in deep trouble. She stormed out the room when Katniss spoke about me to Caesar screaming about how I was a stupid selfish little boy and I would pay for my idiocies. So I did all I could think of and ran to my room before she came back, telling me it was all for my own good.

Gale POV:

I leave the interview area as fast as I can, I have to speak to Catnip, but she ran as soon as the lights went out. I chase after her but she is too fast. Once I have made my way up to our floor she has locked herself in her room and won't speak to me.

"Catnip please can you just let me explain." I am pleading with her and I can hear her sniffling.

"No, Gale you might have just ruined everything for me and Peeta. Or has that been your plan all along? Ruin everything even if you die in the process." Her voice is muffled so she must have already got into bed.

"I thought this might be the only way to bring attention to you. It looks like you have people fighting over you now. Catnip please can I just come in?"

"No! Stay away from me. If it was all a lie then why say it, I was already going to get sympathy sponsors because I have been taken away from the boy I love." Hearing her say that made me feel like she was stabbing me, 'the boy she loves' hearing her say that killed me but I had to ignore it. "And Gale," I stupidly felt myself holding my breath, "stop calling me Catnip I'm not fourteen anymore." That was it for me, she can be angry at me or hate me but I feel like I have lost my friend now, my only friend and there is no way I can make it up to her.

I am starting to think I made a huge mistake volunteering, I should have let Peeta go and then I could have seen Catnip when she came home heartbroken that the baker boy had died to protect her. If I had been there to pick up the pieces maybe one day she would have forgotten him. But clearly volunteering to save his life was not worth her affection and if that is true then maybe tomorrow I will be fighting for me to come home instead of her.

I can't think like this, I have to save her. I snap myself out of it and go to bed, tonight will be the night that I desperately need a good night sleep tonight. I crawl into bed but I can't sleep, I toss and turn but in the end I just sit in the living room for hours watching the only channel on the television. I is showing a repeat of a previous game and I try to concentrate as hard as I can try to learn the way the careers use their swords, which tactics work and don't work but all I can think of is tomorrow I will probably be dead or a murderer. That's when I notice that someone was watching me.


	7. Chapter 7

Katniss POV:

I can see him watching, looking so much younger than I have seen him in years. He is scared, foolishly so. Why be scared of something that you can't prevent, if you think you are going to die stop moping about find a way to enjoy your last few days. Or at least try not to bring everyone down with you. But seeing Gale like this, it's too strange he is so venerable that I can't stay angry at him anymore.

"Can't sleep huh?" I smile to him, this being our last night before we go in I thought maybe I would grant him a smile this one time.

"I don't think any sane person could sleep right now and if they could then I wouldn't think highly of them." He laughs awkwardly and I join in but eventually I end up full out laughing. I can't explain why I did, I guess this will be my last laugh, in the arena laughing will just draw in predators and tributes. I sit by him on the couch and for the first time I can think of nothing to say to him. He sits there and tries to say something but nothing comes to mind.

"Um... I am really sorry about shouting at you before?" I ask and all I think is that I sound like a pathetic little girl.

"No, it was my fault I wasn't thinking straight."

"Was it true, did you mean what you said to Caesar?" Gale starts fiddling with his hands and muttering before he said:

"No, well yes, sort of. I think so." I have never heard him stumble over his like this and he gave me every answer you can to a yes or no question which annoys me.

"Look, I might have less than 24 hours to live so tell me yes or no? I don't want to die with unanswered questions." I sound frustrated which is unfair to Gale but it is important I know."

"Yes it was the truth but Catnip... sorry Katniss I know you have Peeta so don't worry I know the feeling isn't mutual." He starts to leave but I feel so guilty I sort of blurt something out that I don't think I mean.

"Gale please stop. I think I, I might love you." As soon as I say it I regret it, I do not love Gale like that, I love him as a friend and hunting partner but we are too alike to be in love with him.

"Katniss don't say things you don't mean." He knows I am lying and I have made everything worse. I can't take it back now, and if Gale dies now at least if I lie he will be happier.

"Gale I love you and you love me and I thought you didn't so I started going out with Peeta but..." My sentence is cut short with the pressure of Gale's lips on mine. I wait for the warm glow to grow inside me like when I kiss Peeta but there is nothing. I kiss him back and eventually pull away. Nothing. No feeling of wanting another kiss, no glow no nothing. I think I know now more than ever that for me, Peeta is mine and I am his, anything else is unthinkable. I force a smile for Gale's sake but I am all out of words so I walk silently to my room leaving a shocked Gale to stare in my wake. ********The next day********

We all meet for breakfast and seeing Gale brought a new wave of guilt, that kiss should never have happened, I betrayed Peeta for Gale's happiness. Gale gave me a light kiss on the cheek which led to Haymitch spraying his drink across the table. I raise my eyebrow to him to say 'yes this is happening now shut up.' This led to Haymitch half laughing half choking on his liquor. Effie arrives just as I head over to breakfast and immediately looks angry at the sight of Haymitch spraying liquor across the already dampened tables as an Avox attempts in vain to clean it up. Eventually Haymitch composes himself enough to speak.

"How are we feeling today sweetheart?"

"Just peachy." I smile at him whilst barring my teeth.

"Any last advice?" Gale pipes up sensing the tension and knows soon I would probably do something stupid.

"Run from the Cornucopia and stay alive." I think of screaming at him saying 'that's all we get, stay alive' but I hold my tongue and finish my food before going to my room.

Later on that day we are taken in a hovercraft and a Capitol worker inserts a tracker in my arm so I am now just a piece to the game makers that the can kill with the flick of a switch. After landing I am taken to a little pod where Cinna comes and dresses me, he pins my mockingjay to my outfit and wishes me luck. Before I know it I am in the tube that will take me to the arena, Cinna gives me a thumbs up as if that was all the motivation I needed to kill someone was to be given a thumbs up. I gave him a weak smile before I began my ascent into the arena. I told myself over and over what to do.

My pod suddenly stopped before I was above ground and then started to move sideways, I carried on sideways until my pod was right next to Gale's, I saw him looking at me just as surprised as I was, and then we started climbing upwards again until we were above ground. This completely threw me because I had never seen this done before. I forced my brain to concentrate when Claudius Templesmith's voice rang out "Let the 74th annual Hunger Games begin." I get sixty seconds to get my bearings.

...55...

I can see woods which are where I will run to; they are the area closest to me so I will stay safe.

...45...

Around 30 metres from my feet is a back pack if I run quickly I should beat the pair from five to it.

...35...

I can see a glistening bow and I know it is there for either me or Gale. Gale!

...25...

I turn to face Gale and catch his eye before looking the bow. He says nothing but he nods.

...15...

I get ready to run, straight into the bloodbath that awaits me.

...10...

I get my feet positioned.

...5...

I lower my back to get the best air resistance, school has taught me something at last.

...4...

My eyes are trained straight on the bow

...3...

Boom! A bombs explode from the other side other Cornucopia.

...2...

Explosions are everywhere and with a quick glance I can see at least half the tributes aren't focusing.

...1...

I regain my focus on the bow.

...0...

I run.


	8. Chapter 8

Katniss POV:

My feet are pounding against the floor; Gale is now maybe a metre ahead of me and getting further and further away. I finally reach the Cornucopia grab my bow and load it, I don't have time to pick through the weapons so I also grab a knife and then I run. Gale is by my side and obviously found some spears that he learnt how to use in training. We run towards the forest but when we reach two backpacks side by side I decide it would be a good idea to take them. The second I bend down for the bags I hear the whistle of I knife rushing past my ear, my ear stings but don't hurt too much so I carry on. As I run I take a quick look behind me but the knife thrower must have gone back to the main event at the Cornucopia because I could see no real threat behind me.

We pass through the trees not bothering how loud we are because the only people who are interested in killing today would be at the Cornucopia. I never once lose track of Gale as we weave our way through the woods. Eventually we slow to a jog and then a walk. BOOM! The first cannon strikes, the next and the next. Gale and I stand dead still both of us counting, after a long pause when no cannons go off we both say in unison. "Fourteen." Fourteen children dead. Their bodies about to be taken away by the hovercrafts into the skies. Cleaned up by Capitol doctors before getting shipped off to their districts, fourteen lives have been wasted today each one as innocent as the last.

Gale POV:

I can tell she is thinking about them, all the people who have just died. She looks like she feels guilt about their deaths, and I don't understand it because she didn't kill them herself, the way I see it is that each time that cannon goes us it mean one step closer to home, one step further away from death. Why doesn't she get that, I have never seen her like this and to be frank, I don't like it. She looks too weak and timid, why isn't she strong like she is in the woods, she kills everyday there and what's the difference. You load your bow, you take aim, and you let the arrow it fly. Nothing more and nothing less. When she heard the cannons she looked so sad, she mourned them but I didn't know why, yes it was wrong that they had to die but is wasn't her fault she has killed anyone yet.

Eventually she snaps out of it "You okay Catnip?" I pause, "Katniss, sorry."

"No, I just hate the idea of all those people being dead." I look at her trying to look like I understand but I don't. She looks at me, is she crying, she can't be crying. SHE DOESN'T CRY. I do my best to comfort her and sit next to her; I slip my arm around her as she nuzzles into my chest.

"Come on Katniss we can't stay here long, why don't we look through the back packs and then keep moving." She looks up with teary eyes and attempts a smile. Does she really think we will get any sponsors when she looks so weak? No, no, no, no. A thousand times no.

"Okay, sorry I guess you think I'm over reacting."

"A little," I try to laugh but it comes out as more of a cough.

We sit together sorting through the packs. The main thing in the packs is food about half the stuff in there is food like dried berries, beef strips, bacon, chicken and one had a can of Capitol dehydrated stew. There are also two water bottles that are bone dry, a spare jacket and three knives. I look for anything that could help us find water but there is nothing. This really annoys me because how are we supposed to eat something that you have to rehydrate without any water. Anger starts to bubble through me, I know its coming, I always do but I can't control myself, I throw the can at a tree and watch as stew splatters against a tree. I turn to Katniss

"Stop being so weak," I'm yelling at her, "Why can't you control yourself?"

Katniss POV:

I just stared at him, eyes wide. I am utterly speechless, but my body reacts before my mind and my arm comes up and I slap him leaving a huge red mark of his cheek. My mind then goes into overdrive and before Gale can say another word I shove half the stuff into my bag, grab a bow, sheath of arrows and a knife and walk away. Gale is stood with his hand clamped to his cheek before he mumbles an apology saying he was so fed up with the situation and he didn't mean what he said but I didn't care I just carried on walking. I know it's pathetic but I just can't talk to him.

"Katniss come back, you know I am sorry, please Catnip." I swivel on my heel with my voice low, I raise my bow that I just loaded with an arrow and point it straight at his heart.

"Are you trying to kill us both, you are screaming your lungs out in an arena when twenty two other people want us dead. I suggest you don't follow me because you will need your weapons and supplies that are where we stopped. Plus currently I'm armed and angry take on step close and I will shoot." He looks at me in shock, the crease between his brows deepening into his head. Silent. "What is it Gale? Can't you catch your tongue or are we just shocked that a girl has got you into check mate?" I raise my eyebrow daring him to speak.

"You s...said you l...loved m...me." He no longer looks angry he looked truly upset; I have never known him to stutter like this. The way he looks now with his eyes round and his lower lip quivering slightly reminds me of Peeta and all of a sudden my arrow has sunk into the ground and my lips are on his. Somehow in my head I am kissing Peeta but all too soon I can tell that this is wrong, Peeta's soft, smooth lips have been replaced my chapped and rough lips, the pressure of this kiss is not loving like Peeta's it is aggressive and forceful. I broke apart from him and ran.


	9. Chapter 9

Peeta POV:

No. No, no, no, no. She can't do this to me; she can't betray me for him. She stands there kissing the boy she swore was only her friend, for years I have suspected there was something but she always promised me she loved me but how long has she been saying that to Gale? I come from my daze and see Katniss running across the screen, she has tears streaming down her face and she looks terrified. I can tell she is mouthing something but I can't quite make it out. The cameras turn back to Gale who just stands staring after her knowing that if he chased her now, after what she said she would shoot him. But when the cameras come back to Katniss I understand what she was saying over and over again, 'I am sorry Peeta.' Again and again she said this and it just confused me more, she was running from a guy she kissed but she was sorry. Caesar Flickerman's voice was chatting about what had just happened with Claudius Templesmith and he said "Well, well, well. Maybe Miss Everdeen isn't as much of a fan of her young man back home as we first thought."

"No, clearly," Claudius chipped in, "Maybe we will see a spark during these games, my oh my! Romance in the games is something we really aren't accustomed to!" He laughs and then they carry on talking about our little love triangle before returning to scenes from the bloodbath. I don't know what to do though, I just slowly rise from my seat and walk to my room. My entire family silently stares at me; even my mother looks at me with sorrow in her eyes. _First time for everything!_ She was angry when Katniss told all of Panem about us, I still have the scares on my back but now she looks like she feels sorry for me. Tears start to prickle behind my eyes and I rush to my room before they start to fall. I throw myself down on my bed and cry and cry until I can't cry anymore. Then I just lie there. I think at some point I fell asleep because when I look from my hands again daylight is flooding into my room and my bed sheets have been brought over my body to stop me freezing.

I crawl out my bed and change into something for school but I realise that I can't show my face at school. Everyone will know about the kiss and everyone will give me the same look that my family did and I can't be pitied because it makes everything ten times worse. So after getting half changed I crawl back between my sheets and sleep again. I watch that kiss in my dreams over and over, each time destroying one good memory I have of her as I replace it with that kiss.

Katniss POV:

I keep running until I am so exhausted that I collapse onto the floor. As I collapse I feel cool sticky mud slither over my body, each second I spend in the mud makes it that bit harder to get up until it hits me. MUD! Mud means water and water means life. I manage to recompose myself and walk towards the thicker mud, I pass by a couple animals on my way that I kill with my arrows, dark sets in before I hear the angelic sound of running water. My pace picks up until I can see it and before I really think about it I just collapse into the water, letting it engulf my entire body. I thought the mud was bliss but this is godly compared to that. I unscrew my bottle and fill it with water, as it fills the bottle seems to eject a yellow liquid into it, I panic slightly until I realise that the water is being purified. A timer appears on the bottle reading 31:42. It is so precise that I know this is complex Capitol technology. I replace the lid on the bottle and whilst I wait for the water to purify, I gut all the animals I shot.

After a pain-staking half hour I slowly drink the water, it is blissful and perfect. I understand now that even though things are bad back home, at least we survive on the food I can hunt, here for all I know the animals I shoot could kill me. Once my water bottle is entirely empty I refill it again. The countdown reappears, 34:12. I think about making a fire but the careers will be out and hunting me down so I eat a small amount of my food from the Capitol before climbing up into a tree to sleep for the night. If I stay out of their way I will be safe and each slither of safety I get is a lifeline. I find a sleeping bag in a hidden pocket in my backpack and nestle down into it. A cannon fires which means there is another death, another child dead. All I can think of is Gale and how he could be alive or dead and I won't know until the faces flash up in the sky.

I slowly fall asleep but after what feels like no time I am aroused by the Capitol anthem. All the fallen tributes faces will appear in order of their district number. The first face to appear is the girl one, this is shocking because careers normally last the longest, then face after face appears in the sky I hold my breath waiting for answers. The Capitol seal reappears and then darkness consumes the sky. A sigh of relief escapes my lips, he lives. I start to wonder whether I will see Gale again, what if the last time is saw him was today and we have to leave it like this? But soon I remember Peeta back home who will think that I never loved him and that I used him. I pray that in the round up tomorrow they will play this as I whisper "I still love you Peeta," I pause before saying, "Always."


	10. Chapter 10

Gale POV:

I don't think I have ever been more confused in my life, I mutter under my breath "women" before trying to figure out in my head what had just happened. All I could think about was the kiss, that kiss was what I have spent years dreaming about and only seconds enjoying. They say behind your eyes you should see fireworks and all that but to be honest there was none of that. It felt wrong and empty. Don't get me wrong I have kissed girls before but with Catnip I always assumed that there would be more than that.

I start to wonder why she ran away; I quickly whip my head round to check that I can't see any other tributes that could be a threat before I pack my stuff up. I cram as much as I can in the back pack, collect up my spears and walk off. I head in the same direction as Catnip did, desperate to see her again before I die. As I walk all I can think is _why run?_ But as time passes I come up with no answers until it hits me, Peeta. She really does love him and I never saw it, I thought she liked him but never would I say love. I think back through all the times I have seen Catnip and Peeta together and everything falls into place. She smiles more near him, she laughs a little louder, her face relaxes from her usual expression and her eyes sparkle that bit more. There is no other way to put it other than that he makes her... happier.

When I think about it, ever since I knew her she was like this, I remember what she told me in the woods about two years ago.

(Flash back)

"_Hey Gale," Catnip says as she spots me in the woods, I can see her face glowing and wonder what has made her so happy._

"_Hey Catnip, what are you smiling about?"_

"_Oh you know, just thinking about how lucky I am that my dad taught me to hunt," She is still smiling._

"_Is that it, just that?" _

_She looks at me as if to say back off but I pretend to ignore her. "No, not really. Have I ever told you about when I went to the bakery after my dad died?" I shake my head, I don't really understand what she is on about, and after her dad died she had no money so why would she go to the bakery._

"_Oh... It isn't that important so you probably won't care," I raise my eyebrow as if to say 'try me'. "Okay well, it had got really bad and we had no food and even though I had tried to sell some of Prim's old clothes no one wanted them. I was starving so in the end I had to go to the merchant part of town to see if there was anything in the bins. I went to the bakery and as I was looking, the baker's wife came out and started yelling at me so I ran. I hid behind a tree because I had no energy left. Then I heard her scream again, I thought she had seen me but suddenly she pushed her son out the door." Peeta is the bakers son, I had to stop myself rolling my eyes because all of a sudden Catnip was talking about him alot._

"_Anyway he was holding two loaves of bread that were burnt on one end. The wife was yelling at him saying he was stupid and even from where I was sat I could see a red scorch mark on his cheek. After about a minute of yelling she told him to feed the bread to the pigs because no one would want it now. But as soon as she left the bread came soaring towards me and landed right next to me. I thought he had sent it to me by accident but then the other landed next to the other. I came out my hiding place to get it. I looked up before I touched it towards the boy and he nodded. I bent down to grab the bread but when I looked up again he was gone. I ran home that night and for once we filled our stomachs and it was all because he gave me the bread." _

"_And your point is..."I asked because why she was telling me this I did not know._

"_My point is, "She said glaring at me, "that it is something that makes me happy._

(End of flashback)

I never understood why that memory made her so happy until now. The only way I could understand her was to put myself up to die for her. I doubt she even has a memory of me that makes her happy. I sigh and silently scold myself for being so blind since the moment I met her. Why did I never realise that she would never love someone like me? But there is still a small voice in my head,

"But why did she kiss you if she loves Peeta, why would she tell you he loves you?"

I don't think I will ever answer this because I don't trust myself enough not to come up with a crazy explanation that means I conclude she does love me.

I decide that I have to make it known that I feel bad for what I have done to Peeta because if I die then I will never but right my wrongs. "I am sorry Peeta." I pause and decide for effect and possibly to gain sponsors "But I still love Katniss."


	11. Chapter 11

Katniss POV:

I wake up and feel fresh from the sleep I got, I had no nightmares and I got more than enough sleep. I take a sip of water from my bottle and for a short moment I forget that today I might die or I might have to kill someone and I just enjoy the moment. I slither down the tree and refill my bottle, whilst I wait for the water to purify I make a fire, I know it is stupid but my stomach is growing and the meat will go off soon. I cook it as quickly as possible and then take the meat, my water bottle, my weapons and backpack and walk away after distinguishing the flames. I eat on the go and polish of it all. I shoot two animals on my hike and then climb a tree that wasn't too far away from the lake I had just been at but was not so close that anyone who had seen the smoke from the fire would be likely to find me.

My mind slips to Gale and how stupid I had been. I tried to work out why I kiss him and the only answer I had was that I had somehow seen him as Peeta. His grey eyes started to swim with streaks of blue, his body became as broad as Peeta's is and his hair went from Gales rugged brown to Peeta's blond that I have run my hands threw so few times and may never again. I don't know how I can show Peeta how sorry I am, how guilty I feel. The first kiss when no one knew was fine because I was only doing it thinking it would make Gale happy and it wouldn't harm Peeta, but I can't let myself do this again.

I start to wonder about how love has changed me so much. I never worried what people thought of me, not even Gale. But I started to care what Peeta thought of me, whether he liked me, I wanted to look pretty when I saw him and I wanted him to like me. I started to soften up because he made me so happy. I like to relax when I am with him because I let myself be happy, even when I am with Prim I don't think I feel as free as I do with Peeta because he chose me. And now I might have lost it all. Something inside me snaps and tears flood down my face, I have lost him and may never make it up to him because I am going to die. I let my tears consume me as I sit in the tree, from far in the distance I hear a cannon fired but I just sit in my tree hugging my legs to my chest and cry.

Peeta POV:

I watch the second round up that night, I am still so angry but I still have to know she is safe because I know I can't stop caring about her overnight. The start of the day goes by without any action we don't even see Katniss and Gale until the second half of the show. Then we see Gale trekking towards the lake that Katniss went to (as the commentators inform me) and he is alone. Katniss is not with him so something must've happened when I left after they kissed because I assumed they were still together. Then they show the career pack killing the tribute from nine. It is brutal but at least it was quick.

Then cameras turn to Katniss, she is in the wood but she is on her knees writing something with a branch. I am wondering why she would right on the ground in an arena until she backs away so we can read it.

"P, I love you always, K. xx"

This is just ridiculous, the camera trains on it for a while and when Katniss is sure the cameras have had enough time to catch it on screen she rubs in away. Why is she doing this to me? I don't know what to think anymore. For the second time whilst the highlights have been on I walk out, she has confused me so much now. She loves me always but she obviously doesn't only love me. Or does she? Is all this for the Games or is it more than this now, when she comes out (if she comes out) will she be my Katniss or another product of the Capitol? My brother Rye who usually doesn't talk to me much followed me to my room.

"Girl troubles huh?" He looks at me.

"No, I was thinking about cake." After going out with Katniss for a year and a half a bit if her sarcasm has rubbed off on me.

"No need to be so moody! You know she does really like you right."

"And you would know this because...?"

"I think everyone would know this from just looking at the two of you together. Even that jerk Gale knows it he has just chosen to ignore it." I stay silent for a while, thinking.

"Do you really mean that?"

"What about Gale being a jerk? Hell yeah, I think of worse names for him like..." I cut him short before he starts using language I am not such a fan of.

"No I meant the first bit." He laughs like I am stupid.

"I wouldn't be here unless I knew I could make fun of you for over reacting." He left me there whilst I was doing a marvellous impression of a shocked fish.

Katniss POV:

I wake up to the sound of light splashing coming from far away. It is the fourth day of the Games and nothing has happened for a day so I know something is brewing.I can of water collecting together in the distance forming a new lake, it isn't an instant threat but something tells me the Game makers are planning something because there hasn't been much action for a while. I quickly pack up my stuff and climb down my tree. It is a good thing I left because I can now see water coming forwards at a high speed. I run as fast as I can, my feet pounding on the floor, the adrenalin pumping through me. The more I run, the louder the water sound is, I can see it coming from all directions so I know the only place I can run is towards where I came from the first day of the games, the cornucopia.

The water is close behind me and when I feel some land on my hand I scream out in pain, it sizzles on my hand and cause a searing pain to appear. Acid. Panic runs through me because I can't run faster than the water is coming to me. I can hear more footsteps to my left. While running I draw my arrow, the person is now running towards me and then when I get a clearer view I can see it is Gale. _Of course they wanted me to run into Gale again, I bet the entire Capitol think we are in love. _But there is someone else with him; the male tribute from 11 is running towards me with him. The other tribute from his district is dead, she died the first day. She was only twelve and she was so small and fragile you could have confused her for a ten year old if she hadn't been reaped.

They mustn't have wanted me dead because otherwise I would already me in a hovercraft on my way home. It is rare thought that the Game makers kill people on purpose; Capitol citizens would rather see the lives taken my other tributes in a blood filled battle. Only when the Games get boring do they kill tributes themselves. Gale starts to laugh.

"I guess I can't avoid you anymore then."


	12. Chapter 12

Gale POV:

I was running as fast as I could to get from the water, Thresh was right with me. It was painful as the water started to flick onto the bare areas of my body; half of my right trouser leg was missing from when I fell from the tree I was sleeping in. The water was obviously acid and there was searing pain whenever it touched my skin. Something was strange about the speed of the water; it was fast enough to keep us running and always went slightly faster than me so I constantly had to up my speed but not so fast that I would drown in the acid. Clearly the Game Makers wanted me to go somewhere but I didn't know where until I saw her, running straight towards me too. Of course they want to push us back together. As soon as Thresh and I ran into her the water receded and what water did reach us washed over our shoes leaving no marks what so ever.

"I guess I can't avoid you anymore then." I try to laugh but I know this isn't going to go well. I have been thinking about what happened between us, well only between convincing Thresh not to kill me and that we should be allies. Catnip is glaring at me, I don't know why because that glare only works on Peeta and I am not that wimpy.

"No, when did you meet Thresh?"

"Oh we met up and thought that we would both rather work together than have to kill each other for now."

"Right well, I think I could use some allies anyway, for now like you said. If you're up for that." She is looking at me intently, I get that she feels guilty but come on it wasn't exactly my fault that she kissed me.

"That's fine with me." I look to Thresh and all he does is nod. He isn't really a talker but he is handy with a lot of weapons. I know this is going to be awkward but at least I can protect Catnip for now, I am now resolute that I want her to live because I only volunteered so she could have her happy ever after with Peeta if that exists. Catnip breaks the silence,

"Thresh, do you mind if I speak with Gale more privately please." Thresh speaks for the first time since we meet Catnip.

"You do realise the likelihood that the Capitol won't play a private conversation to everyone is very low." I can tell that Catnip clearly wants this to go on TV so she wants to make a big deal of it.

"Yeah I think we need to talk." I shoot Thresh a 'don't say anything' look and follow Catnip into the woods.

"Okay," She sighs, "I need to apologise. I shouldn't have kissed you and I shouldn't have said I love you because I don't. I only said it because I thought that if you died at least you would be happy." I open my mouth to say something but one look from Catnip tells me she isn't finished and now is not the time to interrupt. "It was the most stupid and selfish thing I have done but I do not plan on losing my best friend before I have to. I understand if you hate me but I also can't let this go unsaid because Peeta probably hates me right now and it is because I kissed you. That _one_ time I forgot that it was you and for some reason I thought I was with Peeta because when I am not with him, nothing feels right and for me to pretend that I feel that way about you was wrong and I am truly sorry."

Her every word tears me to shreds, she is stabbing me a thousand times. What is that ridiculous saying that goes 'sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me'how could it be more wrong. Right now I would fight the career pack and feel less pain. She really doesn't love me at all. It hits me so hard that I feel six feet under. I thought that I had come to terms with the fact she loved Peeta, but I guess I never thought about her not loving me. She is clearly waiting for a response, an admission that I do not mind that she basically used me and lied to me. I can't give her that so I just walk back to Thresh with Katniss following me.

Thresh POV: (another POV but I thought it would be good from his view)

Gale looks completely destroyed; I don't mean like Katniss has beaten him up, I mean like he has lost all will to live. When we met it was only because I had been run from the crop filled fields by a mutt, it had huge snarling teeth that looked like they could rip my skin off with ease, it was slower than me but when I ran into the forest Gale approached me, we decided that it would be better to work together than have to kill one another. I wouldn't say we were friends, I would say we were allies with a mutual understanding that at some point soon we would be enemies again.

Gale suggested that we got moving and tried to find a water source because we had left ours when the wave of acid came in and it was at the very edge of the forest which was a long hike back and by then we would probably die of thirst. Luckily Katniss knew where there was a little lake that we could get water from and so far she hadn't seen any other tributes so we would be safe. I wanted to laugh when she said we would be safe because there was nowhere in this huge stupid arena that we would be safe because in no time at all at least two of us will be dead and in plain brown boxes that will be carted off to our districts.

Four days in, fifteen dead, eight left to die, one victor. It is all so built up through statistics, each child that dies one to add to a tally. What is worse is that the Capitol having me treating each person like a statistic as well. The girl from my district was the sweetest of girls, she was only twelve but she never gave up hope when we were working during harvest. Her voice was beautiful; I had only ever heard it sing the four-note tune that she got the mockingjays to sing to signal home time for workers. The mockingjays then carried the tune and repeated it as the sound spread all the notes would overlap so it was beautiful and calming. That's when I Katniss' pin on her clothes, it was a mockingjay.

"I like your pin," there was still obvious tension between her and Gale so I thought it would be a good way to break the ice now that it had been about an hour since we had found Katniss' lake.

"Thanks, Peeta gave it to me." Why did it have to be him? Gale made some sort of scoffing noise and Katniss' glared at him and snapped,

"Do you have a problem Gale?" She has the biggest mood swings I have ever seen! One minute she looks as guilty as sin and now she is furious.

"It's just; he really gave you a pin to wear. Why did he even bother, how is that going to help you?"

"If you don't remember the rules say you can have a token that reminds you of your district but can't be used as a weapon, this is from Peeta, Peeta is at home, home reminds me how much I need to try to win, that means I fight harder. Anymore questions with simple answers?"

"I really don't think that constitutes as a simple answer."

"Okay, anymore stupid questions?" She was on her feet and so was he.

"If the answer isn't simple then the question isn't simple."

"I SAID STUPID QUENSTIONS BUT I CAN THINK OF SOMEONE WHO IS SIMPLE MINDED."

"WELL SEND HIM MY BEST WISHES IF YOU GET BACK HOME."

"SORRY BUT I THINK WE WILL BE TO BUSY TO THINK ABOUT YOU."

"OH REALLY, DOING WHAT." I could see where this was going and I did not want to hear about it and I don't think this Peeta guy would want it on TV so I stood between them holding both my hands up and said,

"Enough, both of you. I plan on living through tonight but you to may as well be setting of a firework display the amount of attention you are attracting." To my horror Katniss said

"He started it."

"Like hell I did, it was you." This was like they were five again and at school and I was the teacher. They carried on bickering for a while until it got too much again.

"Look why don't we just go to sleep because it is getting dark, Katniss you can pick a tree to sleep in, Gale pick a tree that isn't the same at Katniss', after a couple hours I will switch with one of you and then after a few hours that person can switch with whoever hasn't had a shift okay?" They nodded and then went off. How can they act like bloody babies when it is such an important time?

**A/N: sorry it isn't the best end to a chapter but I didn't want it **to** drag on too long because I have always preferred shorter chapters. Please review.**


	13. Chapter 13

Peeta POV:

I went back to school the day after Rye left, not one teacher gave me stick for missing school, everyone in school seemed to be making a collective effort to make me laugh or just to be nice. I got no homework, and everyone invited me to their table at lunch but I didn't want anyone to be nice to me, I just wanted normal behaviour and I wanted Katniss. Why did it have to be her sister reaped? Why did Katniss have to volunteer? Why did there have to be the games? I just think wistfully about if she had never been reaped because if she hadn't I wouldn't be sat alone right now, I would be with her. I wish there was something that I could do but her fate isn't in my hands, it is in hers.

I pick my way through my food but really I am not hungry, to be honest I haven't been hungry since the day she left, I just miss her and I feel like a total sap for saying all this love stuff but in only a year and a half I have fallen so hard for her that I will never get back up again. My little thought train is interrupted when a student from a younger year burst into the dining hall,

"Guys, the TV in the history classroom is showing the games. I don't know why but if you want to know you need to come." I didn't even need the other half the sentence I was flying out the room as soon as he said the TV was on because the TV is only on when something bad is happening in the games and generally that means someone is dead. I ran faster than I thought I could, people parted ways for me as I made my way to the history room. My heart was in my throat and I knew any second I was going to cry. _Please don't die Katniss. You can't do that to me. _At the front of the room I could see some of Gale's siblings; they looked at me and had expressions saying 'we know what you're going through'. Not a single person begrudged me this seat because I might not be mentally strong but when I need to I can throw a punch and everyone knew it.

I managed to lower into my chair my eyes fixed on screen. Something major was happening. Gale, Katniss and the tribute from eleven were being chased by a swarm of something. Rory, one of Gale's brothers, leant over and whispered to me, "Tracker Jackers," my heart sunk threw the floor. This was defiantly bad news. Tracker Jackers were Capitol mutations that's sting was venomous and cause powerful hallucinations and sometimes death. And they were after Katniss. I saw Gale's little sister walk in and she took a seat next to me, she gripped my hand like it was a lifeline but I didn't protest because right now I needed her support as much as she needed mine.

The mutts chased them relentlessly until I saw Thresh get drawn into the mass of them, immediately he was swarmed with them, Gale whipped his head round to help but there was nothing he could do.

Gales POV:

I turned my head round and see Thresh get swarmed by what looks to be over five hundred wasps. I can barely make out his full body because of the huge scores of the wasps. I try desperately to think of a way to save him but I come up blanks. I think I finally understand how Catnip felt on the first day of the games. I feel so guilty because a little voice in my head is saying 'let him die, he dies you get closer to twelve' that is what the Capitol have done to us, turning us against one another for their own frivolous entertainment to fill their pointless lives.

I want so desperately to do something, but I can see that I will never find a solution. Before the wasps realise there is another victim stood motionless behind them I regain my spirits and start to run, but before I turn I throw my spear at Thresh, at least then his death won't be as painful as it is now. After I have done this I realise how stupid that was, I am down to two spears and I won't get any more now. I start running when I hear Catnip scream in pain, she's been stung. But before I can even react to help her they attack me. Around ten different wasps attack me, stinging my body from all angles, my vision starts to become hazy and everything doesn't seem to sit together properly. All I can think is _I am dead; this is the time I am really going to die._

But clearly the game makers have different plans because once I fall to my knees, the wasps disappear completely. I see a flash of images in front of me, I see Katniss with Peeta, Katniss laughing with Peeta. Then she glares at me and screams, "I don't love you Gale, no one cares about you so at least if you are reaped for the games no one will miss you." Her laugh is harsh and cruel. Then she turns to Peeta and kisses him. I try to lash out, stop her but I am immobilised and I just sit and watch. Slowly she dissolves and my family appear, but the act like they can't see me

"He is so stupid," Rory hisses through clenched teeth, "I hope he dies, and then we can be happier."

"Why does he never do anything right, I can't remember him ever helping us." Posy's voice snarls from behind. My siblings part way as my father comes through them, he is dead, but he is here.

"You know I only ever worked in the mines so I could be away from you, if you were never born, I would still be alive. You killed me Gale. IT. WAS. YOU.

The pain subsides and I start to see clearly again, my vision is rimmed with a golden glow but I decide that it is probably just down to being attacked by... by... something. I don't really know what just happened. My name is Gale Hawthorne and I am in the Hunger Games. I am in here with... HER. She dragged me here because she would rather I die than her stupid boyfriend. My body starts to shake and my fists clench. Why would she do this to me, she is a liar and I have to kill her.


	14. Chapter 14

Katniss POV:

I look behind me assuming Gale would be hot on my heels but he is gone, I try to retrace my steps to find him but I can't find him at all. How could he have not kept up? I don't know where Thresh is either, how could I lose them both? I can't remember a cannon being fired but my feet were pounding so hard of the floor and I was so focused on surviving that I mightn't have heard it. I try not to think of them as dead but Gale is a faster runner than me so he wouldn't have lost me. I don't think so anyway. I don't know if Thresh could... can run but I do know that however much I think I want him alive there is that little voice saying _He had to die at some point._ A new wave of guilt floods through me. I shouldn't think like this, why should I value my life over his? For all I know he could lead the districts to rebellion and all I can think is _one more down._

I spend what is left of my day attempting to walk back to our lake but I can't find it. I shoot an animal I find and even though I know it isn't safe to eat meat raw but all I can think is that cooking it would attract both animal and human predators. I clamber up the tallest tree I can find and immediately fall asleep, I know that I can't think about Gale dying because I can't find out if he has until tonight when his face may or may not appear in the sky. I let sleep consume me but to be honest I'm not that tired.

I sleep until the Capitol's anthem wakes me to announce the death toll. Thresh's face appears in the sky and my heart drops just a little and them the Capitol seal reappears. Relief floods through me when I know he is alive. I start to think that maybe each night I don't see his face in the sky means that I am one step closer to having to kill him. I know that if I don't win, I want Gale to but I also know that I can't kill him because he volunteered to save Peeta and that is a debt I will never repay, especially when I will have to thank him for it before I kill him. I can't even imagine killing him because it is all wrong. Never did I think I would have to think of a way to avoid killing him, let alone when I owe him so much.

"I can't kill you."

I whisper it to myself but I know that when it comes down to it I will, if it means I can see my sister and... Oh Peeta. I miss him so much. I carefully remove the pin he gave me a clutch it in my fingers, it is the only piece of him I have left now. I just want to look into his blissful blue eyes and lose myself in them. I want his comforting arms wrapped round my body, the feeling that I get every time his lips touch mine. The feeling that fireworks are exploding through my body, I just want him to hug me tightly again letting his lips touch my neck so lightly yet I still feel waves of heat shoot through me. That is all I want and just two weeks ago all I had to do was walk over to his house and he would be there, now it wouldn't matter if he was in the damn Capitol he still would be unreachable. Just this is what spurs me on to win.

I have had more than enough sleep because for some reason I have only seen two tributes in my entire time in the arena and it's been just over a weak since I was dropped in here. I load my bow and decide that I should carry on looking for my lake because I am starting to run out of water and that is the key to my survival and my returning to Peeta. Slowly my walk becomes a power walk because I don't want to run because that would waste energy but I do need to find water quickly. Again I hear a familiar trickle ahead of me and my pace quickens as I hurry towards it but once I am at my knees and the water is filling my flask I notice that the birds are no longer singing, I look up ahead of me and there is a shadow ahead of me. My body reacts before my mind.

Peeta POV: 

"Katniss run." I start screaming at the TV but she can't hear me. "Please run you can't die now! Go." I am yelling so loud but it is pointless. She is so far away from me and I can't help her. There is a shadowed figure ahead of her. She won't know it yet but it is the male tribute from district one. He was sent out by the careers to find some water because the lake closest to the cornucopia was drying up. They were going to travel in a pack but both district two tributes had seen the boy from seven so they decide to send out Marvel, if I remember correctly to find water whilst they killed the boy and collected whatever he had. The cannon still hasn't gone off so I fear that there will be a long death for this boy. Marvel wasn't happy about it but he was outnumbered so he didn't argue just made comments under his breath that everyone watching could hear.

I expected Katniss to run but she just drew an arrow in her bow and let it fly so quickly that the boy didn't have time to see her properly before he was killed. Katniss gave her usual clean shot and he was almost instantly dead. Katniss doesn't really do anything after he is dead. She walks up to him, takes his backpack from him and then walks away. Her flask for water is filled up and she just walks away. To anyone who doesn't know Katniss like I do, they would think she was a cold-hearted unfeeling word-I-tend-to-avoid. But I do know her and Katniss has three stages of pain. Stage one: goes into a complete fury and gets immensely angry. Stage two: cries and shakes until she eventually comes to terms with it. Stage three: doesn't function properly. I have only ever seen her once in stage three and even then the next day she had started to form a plan on how to survive and that was when her father died, but I didn't understand then because I didn't know her. But I do now and I know that there is no one to help her.

Well, apart from Gale but he appears to have gone mad since the Tracker Jacker attack. He never sleeps only eats small portions of food and his eyes are glassed over. But there is something that isn't human about the way he is acting. He seems too alert, too ready to kill even for Gale. It isn't that I even worry about him, it is that for the first time since these games I actually want him to find Katniss because he might be able to comforter her through this. He may seem slightly crazy right now. But I think a crazy Gale must be better than no one at all, right?

**A/N: Thanks for all the follows and reviews. Please keep reviewing because it really makes me want to write more. I recommend to anyone that likes Percy Jackson to read Liliputdemigod's fanfic. **


	15. Chapter 15

Katniss POV:

I just have to keep walking; I can't think straight all I know is that if I stop walking I will break down into a mess. He is the first person that I have killed in these Games and if I want to win then it can't be the last. I think I understand why Haymitch drinks; it probably drowns out the pain of knowing all these deaths are on his shoulders. I think that right now I could use a bottle. In the Capitol, the betting will have started to heat up now. I can imagine that my odds won't be nearly as bad as they would have been before, I can imagine that they still aren't great but the odds are never in my favour anyway, much opposed to what Effie says. I keep walking but now I have my bow loaded, I can't look lost, I need to look like I have my wits about me if I want sponsors. I haven't had anything yet, not even a match for a fire, but I haven't needed anything. I suppose even if I had sponsors they wouldn't spend their money now because I don't need it. I was only stung once and after I pulled out the stinger out the wound and slowly it has healed after two days.

I stop walking and think, I need to stop hiding now, the amount of us left in the arena is thinning down. And maybe I could kill the tribute from five, I know that I shouldn't plan on killing someone but I need to fight, I can't hide anymore. I keep walking with my eyes alert for any signs of life both human and animal; I need food right now because everything I got from the cornucopia has run out. I am lucky because I shoot down two large birds and two land creatures. I realise that now I am starting to run out of arrows, I couldn't face collecting the arrow from the boy I killed and both arrows I used to kill the birds are nowhere to be seen. I also lost two arrows on the run from the trackers so I only have seven left. I close my eyes and mouth 'arrows Haymitch arrows'.

"You now talking to yourself is the first sign of madness." I turn round and see that it's Gale. I run to him, but before I get close is see there is something wrong with him, he isn't stood lazily as usual his body is scarily tense and his eyes look all wrong.

"You killed Thresh, you lied to me, and you never cared about me did you." I back away slowly until my back hits a tree, "A little scared, realising I am going to make you pay for everything you have done to me. I have stood by whilst you threw your relationship in my face, turned my family against me and all because of what? Tell me why." I don't know what to say so I just stand there. "TELL ME." He screams. That's when I spin so my body is against the tree and I climb. I climb faster than ever, I scale the tree but it isn't tall enough. It is a short and fat tree so Gale is behind me.

"I am going to kill you." His voice hissed at me, he sounded so fake, he didn't even sound like him anymore.

"Gale," I plead as I climb, "This isn't real, I didn't kill Thresh."

"You're a liar, your just a lying bitch." I saw my chance to get off this tree, there was a branch from another tree ahead of me, I steadied myself and then I grabbed it and crawled away. I knew that the branch would hold be but it wasn't strong enough to hold Gale. So long as he didn't try to get on I was safe.

"Gale I promise you, none of this is real. You are confused, yes it is true that I have a boyfriend back home but I never threw the relationship in your face. I can tell you frankly that I didn't kill Gale. Your family aren't against you either so I defiantly didn't turn them against you. Please just listen to me. None of this is real. None of it."

"You liar." Then he leapt at me.

The branch immediately snapped off and we both fell through the air. My body slammed into the grounded and then there was a loud crunch beneath my body. Please no. I can't have broken something; I won't survive this time with a broken bone let alone the next week in the games. Gale is knocked out cold. The sensible thing would be to run get as far away from this madman as possible but I can't leave him now, I just can't.

Peeta POV:

"Run Katniss, run now please go." I can feel the tears streaming down my face; my voice is barely a whisper because all the air seems to have been sucked from my lungs "You have to run please Katniss, you can't save him." My last words are barely audible because I think I have lost all will to speak. "Run."

But Katniss is too loyal to run; she stands over him, her tears flowing like mine. She waits with Gale, Caesar tells us that after five hours Gale comes round. The scene on the TV fizzes into one of a similar essence but the sky is slightly darker. Gale's eyes open and I can immediately tell that he is still mad because his eyes are still glossy but Katniss mustn't see this because she stands by his side, slightly farther away than what would be gullible but still close enough to be in danger. Gale scrambles to his feet and looks straight at her. Katniss has an arrow in her bow loaded and pointed at him, I thank heaven that she isn't without weapons. She is leaning against a tree and has a grimace on her face, I think her leg is broken but I really hope not. If it is she probably won't survive.

Gale laughs at her, "Want to add another to your kill list?" his voice is snarling, "I think you are a vile little girl who will never understand the effect she has on people **(Sorry I twisted the essence of that line), **you have ruined my life Katniss, you will ruin Peeta's life too. I bet you don't even love him. Admit it, he is a bit too sappy for you isn't he, your baker boy." How dare he, he is turning her against me, "I mean he didn't even stop me coming in here did he, he didn't come in her with you like I did, didn't want to protect you." The cameras go into slow motion, his eyes suddenly clear up, but it is too late, the cameras show Katniss' arrow fly.

"KATNISS, NO." I scream but it is no good, the arrow penetrates Gale's chest exactly where his heart would be. Gale's body crashes to the floor.


	16. Chapter 16

Gale POV:

Everything starts to clear up and I see Catnip, I want to run to her but then I see her arrow fly towards me and then bam, I am shot right through my chest. I tumble to the floor and crash to the ground the impact shoots ripples of pain through me. I try to stand up but I can't the arrow has torn its way into my chest and stays there. Within the next twenty minutes I will cease to exist, be another lost tribute. Catnip runs towards me and stands by my side.

"Catnip, did... did you just shoot me?" I know the answer but I can't believe that it is true. It is more of a statement than a question.

"Gale I am so sorry I thought you were going to..." There are tears streaming down her face, but I don't care. I just want her gone.

"Get away from me, get away from me now. I thought you might be angry that we kissed but I never thought you would... you would kill me. Get away from me now. I don't want to see you when I die. I don't want to hate what I see when I die." I should feel something, heartbreak or betrayal or anything like that but instead I was feel wave after wave of pain, I can sense myself losing feeling in my body but I keep breathing, I have to keep breathing.

"Gale please you don't mean that..." Her tears run down her face and because she is leaning over me they gently drip onto my face, but after everything she has done since we got here, why should I care? She never even thanked me for saving Peeta's life. I have to make her pay.

"I SAID GO...NOW."

She runs from me, bawling her eyes out. I can't believe that she did this to me; she took my life away from me before she had to. I knew I was going to die in here, but not at her hands before she even needed me to die. I thought that she would have said that she couldn't do it and that she would rather die and that I would courageously raise a knife to my heart tell her that I always loved her and then I would die. That is how it should have been; she shouldn't have found it so easy. She found it all too easy. My top is now soaked in blood and I feel too weak to move, I know death is coming but I feel so angry with Katniss that I manage to say.

"It wasn't just once Peeta, it wasn't just one kiss." And now I know I am gone, far off in the distance I heard a cannon and then the last thing I saw was a hovercraft coming to collect me. My eyes shut and then there was nothing, not even pain, slowly I just felt myself lose all feeling and then there was nothing. And I was gone.

Katniss POV:

I run, and then when I am far away enough that he won't see me but close enough so I can see him. I watch as the life slowly escapes from his eyes but the hovercraft comes and the cannon fired. I think I saw him say something but I am too far away to hear him. The hovercraft collects him and he floats up into the sky, gone forever. I want to do something, but I know I can't so again I start walking.

I think through all the times I have spent with Gale, when I have seen him laugh and more often when I have seen him angry. I can't stop all the tears flowing but I can try to be happy. I think back to when we would go into the woods and there was nothing but us and the forest, there was no longer hunger; there was no longer all the pain and the deaths, there was just us the woods and our friendship. There is so much I would give to see him again, I would kill just to relieve a moment when we were in the woods, starve to hear him laugh and die to apologise for what I have done. I have been nothing but selfish since these Games started, I took every sacrifice he ever made for me for granted. He didn't enter these games to win, he entered to protect me, and I repaid that by killing him. How could I do that, and I did it so quickly I looked so heartless.

Maybe I am though, maybe I am heartless. Look at me, two people have died at my hands and more people will die if I plan to win. Like the rules say, twenty four go in one comes out. They never bother to say the one that comes out will be a cold-blooded killer; never say that the weight of twenty three people's deaths will forever be on your shoulders. I have killed two, so why not more? I have to win now because otherwise Gale died for nothing. I need to plan, there are four others left, both from two, the girl from four and the girl from five. I have to go down, back to the Cornucopia, to be in danger is my only option now.

I start to walk but then pain shoots through my leg. The adrenalin must've helped me ignore the pain because now it is excruciating. As if on cue, I hear a whistling noise behind me, a blue box accompanied by a white parachute floats down into my hands. I open it and inside a note reads (**I know in the books there are no notes but I like the use of them in the film**) 'Good thing I didn't send you arrow, H'. I think he is trying to cheer me up, but it won't happen. I don't know if I can ever be happy again after these games. How can anyone be happy after they have killed so many just for their own survival? I throw the note aside and opened the box that is inside, it contains one pill. One tiny little pill to fix everything, no one pill to build me back together. If it were to fix everything then I wouldn't be happy because to fix everything I would have to be happy. Right now, happiness is too greedy, too selfish.


	17. Chapter 17

Peeta POV:

"It wasn't just once Peeta, it wasn't just one kiss." Gale's mouth moves as his eyes begin to close, I can see Katniss stood behind him but I can't look at her properly. Gale's voice echoes in my head violently, each word creating a new bruise within me. Nothing feels right anymore, I feel like I am no longer living properly, everything around me slows down and Gale's smile appears on his face as he dies.

I don't get angry though. I don't even move, scream or cry. I just stare at the screen and savour the light leaving Gale's eyes. Knowing he is dead fills me with only a second of joy, but that joy is completely diminished and my anger tumbles through me. I walk out my house and go to the meadow, it used to mine and Katniss' place but I here not to think of her, I am here to scream. I shout and curse, I yank handfuls of grass from the ground and tears tumble down my face. I grab rocks from the ground and throw them at trees sending birds into frenzy. I batter trees kick up flowers and thump my fists against trunks. I try to find every release of my anger I can and the meadow is the perfect place to attack because it was one of Katniss' favourite places and I want to destroy it for her.

Finally, all my strength has gone and I sink to my knees curled up in a ball and I cry. My eyes become sore and I can feel blood staining my trousers from where I cut my outer hand attacking a tree. My entire body feels weak and it isn't until I see the sun rise again that I calm I let the colours take my with them and once that is over I just lie in the meadow and feel empty. Emptiness is no improvement to being angry because I feel like I have nothing left to fight for, no one left to love. Katniss has stripped every emotion from me that could bring happiness and has left me with nothing but memories that mean nothing to me anymore.

My mind is so tired that I can't fight the voices that fill my head; _you should have known someone like here could love you. You stupid fool; of course she went to Gale you are nothing to him. Why would she like you when you are a weak baker boy? You are nothing. She never loved you; she never even cared because YOU ARE NOTHING. _I want to ignore them, but I know what they say is right, of course she wouldn't love me when I am nothing compared to Gale. I couldn't even get the reaping right. But I know that had it been anyone else's name called I would have volunteered to go in with her. I would rather die in that arena with her than have to live through this, watching her love someone else.

My older brother Wheat (**I can't remember if they ever say his name in the books**) comes up to me from the edge of the meadow.

"Are you done throwing stuff and crying then?" He smiles but I don't even look him in the eye. "Dad sent me to make sure you were okay but I didn't want to end up like the trees." He gestures to the tree around me and it dawns on my how much damage I have done.

"Can you just go?" I glare at him but I don't really have a scowl like Katniss. Even her name feels like I am being stabbed.

"No, and look I am sorry mate but you will just have to move on, the likelihood is she will die in the next few days anyway."

"Don't you ever say that," He starts laughing and I lunge at him, tackling him to the floor. I know it is stupid (especially because he is stronger than me) but I can't believe he thought I would want her dead. He takes one punch and then pushed me onto my back locking me into a position I can't move from, he stares straight at me.

"You know I didn't mean that, I meant that you won't have to see her every day, I have to see the girl I proposed to walking around town with her new husband walking around town every single day."

"Yeh, but it wasn't televised to the entire country was it." I snarl. He gets off me and drags me back to our house, he remains silent and so do I. I try to fight him at first but even if I am quite strong I am nothing compared to him. How did I ever think Katniss would actually love me when I am so pathetic? Once I am home I go straight to my room. I hear my mother and father talking; my mother is saying that she knew a seam girl wasn't good enough for me. My dad tells her now isn't the time and for once my mother listens to him. She doesn't follow me up the stairs, but she also doesn't look at me properly. This is the first time in my life I have wanted my mother to support me and she offers nothing. But my mother is as cold hearted as Katniss so why would I expect anything from her.

Once I am in my room I flop down onto my bed and just lie there. I fall to sleep pretty quickly because I got no sleep in the meadow as far as I am aware of. In my sleep I relive the last time I saw her. I am so happy in my dreams. Even when I see her walking towards me I am happy because she was mine and I was hers. When her lips met mine the entire world disappeared into nothingness. I used to think she was perfect but when I wake up cold hard reality hits and I know that she is far from perfect. How many times has she lied to me? Every time she said she loved me, every time she kissed me, each time she said I was the only one for her. But even when I think about all the times she lied I know that I hate her now because I loved her. Love is not the opposite of hate; hate is what love becomes when you have lost all hope. I know now that even though I will always love her, there is no hope for us there probably never was, so there is nothing left for me to cling my love to. She has torn my heart from my chest and probably laughed with Gale because I fell so easily for her.

**A/N: Sorry I know this chapter wasn't that exciting, but I promise next chapter will be about the Games, I just wanted to do a Peeta chapter because I like the broken romance thing.**


	18. Chapter 18

Katniss POV: 

I feel so broken, although I know that I have to win I feel like every single part of me is constantly being torn apart. I haven't seen the love of my life (I now know how important he is to me after weeks apart), I killed not only a stranger but also my best friend and I plan on killing more people. I know how messed up this all is but I know I have to kill, I can't die because I would leave Prim to fend for herself because my mother is only herself on the odd day in a year. I walk down to where the Cornucopia is and I can see no one, I want a fight I want to put an end to this as quickly as possible, but no one is here. I slowly walk to where there was a lake but it has dried up and all that remains is a brown patch of land that used to hold water.

From the distance I suddenly hear a shrill shriek. It pierces through my ears and echoes through the whole arena. I quick succession two cannons are fired and then everything goes deadly silent, from where I am I can't even hear the birds sing. They don't even sing me a note. Hovercrafts appear then, you think they could pick two people up with one hovercraft, but no they use two, they still want us separated even when we are dead. I think they want to show that we are never allowed to mix with other districts, not in life or in death. I should mourn the deaths of two other tributes but I allow the voices to flood into my head _only two to go, just two left._ I pray that they are the two careers but I won't know until the faces of the dead shine down from the skies like lonely stars lost in a sea of dead.

The air suddenly goes cold, very cold. My body shivers and my teeth chatter from what I know isn't normal cold, it is fake cold, game maker cold. I scale my nearest tall tree and slither into my sleeping bag. Now is not the time to hunt people down. I snuggle into the bag and wait. As the light fades from the sky I anticipate who will be dead. All the people who were left before the cannons went of consisted only of me, the boy and girl from two and girls from four and five. I try to remember what they look but the only face that comes to mind is the girl who had the face of a fox and nothing else. I should remember these people but I wasn't paying close attention. I didn't want to study the looks of the people I would kill, because if I survive I know nightmares will follow and the less faces I know the less faces will be able to haunt me.

I wait for the anthem but for a long time it doesn't come. Silence consumes me and all I can think of is Gale one of two men I could trust now that my father was dead. How I killed him and how I was the reason his family were without him, I was the reason no girl could ever love him. Deep within me I know that if I had never known Peeta until the reaping Gale would still be alive, what me and Peeta have together has caused the death of another. How can I ever let Peeta go now, not that I planned to, but if I did lose him it would mean Gale died for nothing and he volunteered for no reason. I can never let Peeta go because with him Gale died for something but if I held onto Peeta for no reason I would somehow be lying to Gale and after everything I have done to him over the past few weeks I can't ever lie to him again. Without forever loving Peeta I killed for no reason and how can anything be the same in our relationship with this weight on my shoulders.

Then the anthem plays, the first face to appear is that of the girl from District two, once I have confirmed this I look away again, but her eyes a such a deep brown that they are imprinted in my memory forever. The other face that shines high in the sky is the girl from four; I confirm this information and then look away until the Capitol anthem stops playing. The music tells me that all I am is a piece in their games but in the games that apply to our country, a little bit of entertainment for some, a grave reminder of how weak we are to others. Saying how we are truly at the Capitol's mercy because we have so little left.

I am so close to leaving here now that I allow myself for the first time to think about what it would be like to return home as a victor. Would I be hated for killing Gale or would anyone understand what happened? I know that Peeta would forgive me and eventually he would understand and he could never hate me because we are together and he knows I love him (**A/N: remember Katniss doesn't know Gale told everyone about them kissing more than once**) and I think I look forward to seeing him the most. For him to hold me in his arms and press his lips against mine, I want that spark that I never got when I kissed Gale, the buzz of fireworks that tell me that what I am doing is right. I want for my sister to see me again, so that I can protect her and know she will never starve now that the Capitol will give us all the money and food we would ever need. I know that the entire district will be showered with presents for the next year because I would have won. The idea of all those young children getting food is enough to tell me that I have to win. I let myself fall to sleep, three left, tomorrow we will surely end this, tomorrow two of the tributes will die and one shall be victor.

I wake up to harsh light all around me; I must've really over slept because the sun is already high in the sky. I eat most my food rations and leave only a small amount because I am pretty sure today is the last day. I breathe in and am truly brought to my senses, for the past ten minutes whilst I quickly ate my food I have been blissfully unaware of the horrors that are taking place beneath my feet. Fire has taken over a wide spread of the floor and I go into total panic. Smoke suffocates my lungs and leaves me gasping for air. I don't understand how I couldn't have seen it, smelt it. I stuff all I have it my backpack and start to swing my way through the trees. My bow is slung on my shoulder and I move as fast as I can. A few sparks of fire fly onto my legs, scorching my clothes and burning its way to and bare flesh that I have causing it to sizzle and scar me.

Ahead of me I see the Cornucopia and I keep swinging until I am there. I land with a thud as I let myself fall from a tree and run into the safety of the fire free Cornucopia but I am far from safe as I can already see both tributes fighting each other both desperate to survive.


	19. Chapter 19

Katniss POV:

I stand and watch horrified by the amount of blood that has already been shed. The girl from five isn't really putting up a fight and she must have ten different cuts on her body that are pouting with blood. The boy from two seems unharmed and fights as he probably has done for the past however many years at his training school. I see the boy stab the poor girl with his sword through the chest I know that my best option is to act now when he doesn't know I am here. I creep up to him and draw back my arrow, I let the string of my bow rest on my lips, I breathe in slowly, and then out. I make sure I am aiming perfectly at my target and I let the arrow fly. It soars through the air and hits the boy in the centre of his back. I quickly load my bow again just in case he is alive, I slowly approach him but when I am halfway the cannon sounds pronouncing his death and trumpets blare out of hidden speakers. Claudius Templesmith's voice boomed through the arena. "Ladies and Gentlemen I give you the winner of the 74th annual hunger games, Katniss Everdeen." I can hear the Capitol crowds cheering and relief runs through me because I know that I am going home.

A hovercraft comes down and collects me, the ladder drops and as soon as I grab onto it I am instantly frozen into position. I fly through the air and I am so happy that I can't stop the smile on my face. A doctor slips down the ladder and injects me with something on my right arm and I am instantly knocked out. I go into a world of unconsciousness. I am powerless to the nightmares that come now. Any happiness I had from winning is drained from me because I hear every cannon, I see every face in the sky and realise that whatever attempt I made in the arena not to remember any details of them failed because now they all look straight at me. I see the boy from one die and then I have to watch my arrow fly through the air and puncture Gale's chest, blood seems to pour out his wound at double the rate I remember from in the arena. I stand and watch the light leave his eyes and still cannot see what he says just before his death is pronounced by the cannon. I see the girl from five killed and then I see myself kill the boy from two.

After what seems like years I arouse and I scream, but as I try to thrash my arms around me I realise that I am trapped into position by my wrist being held by cuffs. I look around the room and all I see is white, nothing isn't white, not the floors or the ceiling, not the bed or the skimpy cloth that covers my frail body. I continue screaming until a nurse comes in and clicks a button by my bed. I immediately fall into my disturbed slumbers again. This time I see every tribute from this year's games chase me into oblivion, I am scratched my trees that fill my surrounding and every time I try to apologise for what I did I cannot make even a sound. Gale is at the forefront of the pack and he says nothing but I can feel his eyes on my back, as if his looks could burn a hole straight through my body.

When I am awake again I make an effort not to scream, if I do they will just knock me out again and I will have to go through all that pain again. Not even a wisp of my initial happiness has remained since the nightmares. I look around me and confirm that I am still in the same room as before. I look to my wrists and realise they have freed me. I inspect my hands and not one scar is there. I look to my legs that were covered in burn marks from the fireworks and see that there isn't a mark. My entire body is covered in a layer of perfect skin. My hair is no longer scorched from the fire and has a gloss to it that I have only ever seen when my prep team cared for me. My nails are all in uniform shape and painted with fire colours that glistening and flare when I turn them.

A woman brings me a tray of plain food but I don't want to eat, I barely look at the food and just turn on my side and face the blank white wall. The tears that I have prevented from falling until now begin to tumble down my face and I am powerless to stop them, I am broken. I think I am completely broken beyond repair. I have killed more than the worth of my life and now I am a creature that nearly all of Panem will hate. All the districts but twelve will hate me; the Hawthorne's will all hate me. The only people who will care about me will either be in the Capitol or be my family in twelve and of course Peeta who one day I hope will be my family anyway.

When I land we are on the roof of the training centre, once I am released from the ladder I see Cinna, my prep team, Haymitch and one overly happy Effie. My prep team immediately bursts into a mix of applause, compliments and chatter about how excited they are about being one TV tonight. Haymitch gives me an awkward hug and Effie gives me an air kiss by each cheek. Cinna then opens his arms to me and I fall into them, relieved by his presence. These are the people who not hate me for what I have done, they have helped me so much throughout these past weeks and I owe them so much, even my prep team. I am so afraid of the person I became in the arena but I know they won't judge me so I am happy they are with me.

Instantly they whisk me to one of the many rooms in the training centre and my prep team turn me into a phenomenal vision. All this is for the interview I have with Caesar Flickerman when I will see everything that happened in the games but it will be condensed down into a three hour viewing. Cinna comes in and dresses me in a black floor length dress with fire patterns that dance around me. He gives me a long hard look after this and says,

"Are you ready for this?" I nod but I know I am not, I will see twenty three people die today and I know it will tear me apart. "Promise me you will do whatever it takes to remain strong and show the world that no one will break you, not ever." I look at him quizzically but he just leads me out the door and behind the stage.

Caesar Flickerman bounds onto the stage and welcomes the crowd; he then introduces my prep team, Cinna, Haymitch and Effie. They have a quick chat on stage but all too soon they are shown where to sit and Caesar introduces me. The stage director steers me onto the stage and pushes me forwards. The crowd erupts into a huge mix of cheering and there are chants of my names. Lights blind me slightly and I stumble into my chair. I want nothing more than to run off stage and never come back but I can't do that and I can't stop the horrors that are about to unfold in front of my eyes.


	20. Chapter 20

Katniss POV:

I don't think I can do this, I can't watch twenty three people die, again. I don't understand how people in the Capitol can call this entertainment. Caesar Flickerman must have noticed that I am stood on the stage in total daze and walks over to me, takes my arm and walks me to my seat. I may hate him for being from the Capitol and taking such a huge part in the Hunger Games but at least I know right now he is going to offer the slightest comfort. He takes me to this huge throne style chair and allows me about ten seconds to gain my composure before he says,

"So Katniss, how do you feel knowing that you will be home by the end of tomorrow as a victor?" I know how I should answer but standing here with all these people wanting me to say I am relieved to have killed people something snaps inside me.

"Would you like me to be honest with you Caesar?"

"I would expect nothing less of The Katniss Everdeen, Girl on Fire."

"Well then, I am dreading going home because people who knew me will think awfully of me because I killed my best friend. And as for being a victor, I defiantly don't feel like a winner, I feel like a murderer. I am meant to me a symbol of the Capitol's mercy and forgiveness towards the districts," I barely pause for an answer, "but I will now have to live with the guilt of all those that died until I die. Tell me how this is the Capitol showing mercy and if the Capitol has forgiven the districts then why do this to all the innocent children?"

Caesar looks lost for words, "Well you could look at it like that or you could say they have set you free from your death. Now why don't we..." I cut him off,

"Saved me from my death? Death would be so much less painful than this and I am pretty sure I wouldn't have faced death if you hadn't put me in that arena."

"As I was saying," Caesar glares at me, "Why don't we watch the film?" Before I can answer the lights go down slightly and a huge TV screen is erected from the ground.

First we flick our way through the reaping, they linger over the district 12's because it was so unheard of, two volunteers from an outside district, plus they are going to show every single juicy moment from my last few weeks. I see my sister and the look of fear in her eyes and then when Peeta's name is called they zoom into his face and I shocked to see that he almost looked happy to find out he was going in. He also seems angry when Gale volunteers but I don't understand why he would be angry, he didn't have to die, didn't face death with me. Before I have chance to properly think about this the screen is showing me and Gale riding the chariot together, our costumes on fire behind us. We looked truly amazing as the fire lingered behind us after we moved forward we looked completely coated in flames. I caught Cinna's eye and gave him a week smile, without him I don't think I would have got half the attention I did and maybe I wouldn't have had my leg healed.

We continued forward through the training scores and before I was ready each pair of tributes were being brought up on their plates, all shocked at the Capitol presenting us as teams. Then someone falls of their plate and everyone loses their focus. I feel like I am watching this happen to someone else. It feels like such a long time ago that I barely feel like I was there but I also know I will never forget what happened. I see me and Gale get into the woods but Gale isn't acting normally he doesn't seem as sympathetic as I thought him in the arena. If anything he seems angry that I broke down, but isn't that normal for someone who just saw someone blown apart and now I am the person who is being ridiculous. Why is he being so heartless? I have to stop thinking badly of him though because he is dead and it is entirely my fault.

We go back to the Cornucopia and I see each person die as their eyes fade and their chest stops rising. Each one of them as dead as the last. I see Cato, the district two boy that I killed, kill around four people without looking back. I don't understand how anyone can kill like that; they can't learn how to do that in training so how can he be so heartless. Again it moves on and it is when Gale and I are arguing and then I see what Peeta would have seen and I see myself decide to kiss Gale. No one knew what was going through my mind, no one knows I thought it was Peeta for some reason, they will probably just think I am a slut... okay maybe not that extreme but still everyone probably hated me. Especially Peeta. I have to explain, but he will understand.

We flick on through all the deaths and we see me making my apology on the floor. Then I run into Gale and it is so obvious that it was planned by the Game makers. I see us talking together and it is obvious Gale was hurt by what I said but in the arena I really thought that he had taken it better. Not that at that moment I cared because all I wanted was to show Peeta that I love him. All too soon the tracker jackers come and I see Thresh die. They attack Gale to but in the arena I didn't know, something happened to him whilst he was there, he seemed to go mad. His pupils dilated and his eyes turned into a scary yellow colour. He starts to hunt me down saying crazy things about me. He wants me dead he says quite often. I am baffled.

We watch me kill the boy from one but that is barely a minute before we go straight into the Gale thing. When I shoot my arrow I see something change in his eyes and he seems to return back to normal. All he had to do was say he wanted to protect me and then he was sane again. The idea of protecting me saved him and by protecting me he died, died at my hands. I see the tears falling down my face but Gale although he is back to normal seems oblivious to my pain and makes me leave him. I eventually go. I know he is about to speak, the life has been to face from his eyes and then he says

"It wasn't just once Peeta, it wasn't just one kiss." And I am stunned to silence. What has he done, what has he done to me. All around me the crowds gasp and tut and make all kinds of noises. But I am too shocked to care. Why would he do this when he was so adamant that the only reason he volunteered was so that Peeta and I would stay together. I think he must have known when he died that he has wasted his life saying that. On his face I expect to see immediate regret but instead I see a smile dancing on his lips. I imagined him saying his last words with regret of all the things he wished he had done, saying he forgave me or telling his family that he loved them. How could he destroy everything with only ten words? Ten words is all it takes to destroy my relationship with the boy I think I have completely fallen for.

That is what hurts the most I think, Gale knew what I used to think about relationships. It must've been three years ago when I told him what I thought.

(flashback)

_Gale and I were walking to the hob and we passed a group of giggling girls._

"_I think I am falling for him." One girl said and I watched as the others sighed in envy. I couldn't stop myself from scoffing at them and as we carried on walking Gale said, _

"_Not one for falling in love then Catnip?"_

"_No, why would anyone want to fall for someone and have to place all your trust in one person. It will all blow up in your face anyway."_

"_It might not you know, not everyone is bad." I was surprised at this; I never had Gale down as the lovey dovey type._

"_Why risk falling if you don't know someone will catch you?" That was all we said on the matter._

_(End of flashback)_

I never thought on that day that three years later I would have fallen a thousand feet for Peeta.

The light comes up again and the audience cheers, the film must've finished but I was too busy thinking about anything but the Games. President Snow is then brought on and presents me with my crown. I know already that I have stuck my foot in it by saying what I said about being a Victor, everyone in the districts already knew this but I still wasn't supposed to say anything. After I am given my crown the President exits and Caesar bounces to the centre of the stage to tell us all to tune in tomorrow when he will interview me to my core. I dread this because I don't want to talk about my Games and most of all I don't want to talk about Gale.

**A/N: Next chapter will be Katniss' next interview and her returning to Peeta. **


	21. Chapter 21

Katniss POV:

The lights went out and immediately I felt Haymitch's hands grab my shoulders and pull me away from the stage. He didn't release his grip on me even when we were in the lift, I tried to fight him off but he was clearly furious about something and after two attempts of talking to him I conceded that until Haymitch wanted to tell me whatever it was he was so angry about I wasn't going to hear it. Eventually he pushed me to a rooftop and released me from his grasp.

"What the hell were you thinking?" His voice is gruff but defiantly slurred and his face is so close to mine that I can almost taste the alcohol on his breath, I can defiantly smell it.

"I haven't done anything." I am not in the mood right now; all I need to think about is how I am going to make all this up to Peeta.

"_Tell me how this is the Capitol showing mercy and if the Capitol has forgiven the districts then why do this to all the innocent children?"_ his voice is clearly mimicking mine, "Sweetheart, do you have a death wish? Was facing the Games not enough to make you realise how much the Capitol control you?" I scowl, my full scowl but the only person this seems to work on is Peeta and now he won't care for me because of Gale. "Do you really think your scowl will work on me?"

"What do you want from me Haymitch?" I just want to go to my room and not think about this, I especially don't want to be spending time with a washed up drunk.

"I don't care what happens to you, but I am guessing you don't want your family dead so tomorrow you will be a sweat girl who apologises for what she said yesterday because it was all from the shock."

"No... But if they really want me to pay why wouldn't they kill me, I don't think I care anymore if I live or die."

"Would you feel as much pain dying as you would knowing your sister, mother and boyfriend... If he still is when you get back died because of you." I don't want to hear this anymore so I turn and run to my room, bolt the door shut, strip down and run into the shower. I let it take away every smear of make-up, every wisp of hairspray away and take it all down the drain. I want to be the girl I am in the woods but I can barely remember the feel of the bow my father made in my hands. I want so desperately to wake up and it is reaping day, see Gale whilst we hunt, to meet Peeta at the school gates and feel his lips pressed to mine. But that is a fantasy and now I have to fix my reality, stop dreaming of what I have lost and fix what I might still have.

I get out the shower, slip into my pyjamas and plan. I have to somehow show people how wrong I think the Games are, not get my family killed, prove to Peeta I love him and I only kissed Gale twice, convince people I am weak and strong and not have a break down in front of the whole of Panem. _Shouldn't be too hard_. I laugh slightly to myself, this is the kind of thing Peeta and I would do together, find a way to make light of a situation that seemed impossible. If he was here he would know what to do. He has a way with words that I will never master. I don't think I will do all this. It is too hard. Instead of thinking I let myself sleep and I pray that in the morning I will think of something before I have to face Caesar's questioning again.

Waking up was a relief, throughout the night I woke up and had to stop myself screaming but each time I returned to my sleep I was tormented by my own head. The light outside was like a safe haven to me; I was so relieved until I remembered what today will hold. Effie started banging on my door,

"It is going to be a big, big day." Her voice was her usual trill high pitched one with its annoying Capitol accent but this time her excitement was above its usual level and that made her sound like a toddler walking past the bakery.

I mumble a reply to tell her I am getting up and then immediately my prep team hurry in gushing about how much they loved being on stage last night and how excited they are for all the parties they will be invited to now they had been part of a victor's team. I added the odd word to the conversation but luckily Cinna arrived and shooed them out the room before they drove me to insanity. He carried with him a black dress bag and looked excited to show me it. But he holds it slightly further away from me when he sees my vague interest in what I will be wearing.

"Just remember that I can't set you on fire every time I dress you." His smile is so warm that it glows inside me. Then he unzips the bag and a black dress tumbles out. There isn't a hint of fire but it is still stunning, besides my nails have fire patterns on them. It is slightly more girly than I would have liked but it is still amazing. It the fabric looks like it would dissolve at my touch; it must be made of a Capitol fabric because this would be pointless in the districts. Cinna brings it towards me the back already unzipped and slips it onto me. I let the fabric fall down and as I turn to the mirror I barely recognise myself, my make-up has obscured my features and this dress stops me from looking as boyish as I do when I wear my hunting gear. My hair is perfect and falls around my face framing me and adds to the perfection that I have. But the perfection is not of natural beauty it is of what other people have created and I feel slightly false.

I look to Cinna and am lost for words because me having any kind of perfection is unexpected. He just says "Don't waste all the effort now." And I immediately know how I am going to speak to Caesar, I can't give my life up after I killed to preserve it, I would have wasted everything, wasted lives and all the pain I endured would be pointless. Effie comes in and tells me I am a vision, she babbles on a bit about how I should present myself to Caesar but I don't really listen and just follow her to where Caesar is already waiting for me.

"Katniss, you look amazing but please tell me that our mood has improved now." Caesar is clearly sounding light-hearted but his voice is grave and slightly fearful.

"Caesar I am so sorry about that I was just in shock." I try my best to smile but it isn't something that I find comes naturally to me.

"I thought it might be that, and I am sorry that you were in shock, you have to enjoy your time in the spotlight Katniss. It will only last a year before the next Victor comes along." If only he knew how much I planned to stop the next Victor ever coming around. "Let's get started then."

We walk over to where two couches are placed facing each other but they are not quite parallel, Caesar sat in one and I lowered myself into the other. Someone started a countdown from five and then all too quickly it was time for me to start talking.

"Katniss, we all know you have been in a bit of a love triangle haven't you. Would you like to explain what went on between you and the other tribute from your district?" I was so pleased he asked that.

"I loved Gale Hawthorne," I paused and let the entire room take in a sharp breath in shock, "but only as a friend. I know that this is a disappointment to many of you but it is the truth. I kissed him more than once, that is true. Because I will not dispute that twice is more than once but neither kiss really counted. The first kiss was on the night before the Games began. It wasn't a kiss of love or longing it is because I felt guilty about not being able to love him back, it was a stupid thing to do but I couldn't stand seeing my best friend so venerable. The second kiss that you all saw was because I was tired and confused and saw him as Peeta, I don't know why that happened, they are polar opposites but Gale was no longer in front of me, it was Peeta and I needed my last kiss with Peeta because I thought I was going to die. The Games confused me and now I am afraid I have lost the boy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with because I was there."

I felt relieved that I had said it all right, I distracted most people with the love story but the message is still there that I blame the games even if it is conflicted by my girl-driven-mad-in-love story.

"Oh Katniss, I am so sorry you think you have lost him. Do you think there is any hope he will forgive you."

"That is something I will find out tonight." (**A/N: I know the train trip is longer but never mind)**.

"If you could see him right now what would you say?" Caesar is completely playing this how I wanted him to.

"I would beg for his forgiveness but I would tell him I understand if he can't give it to me." I hear sighs from my prep team that clearly have lapped up my story exactly as I expected.

"When you were at home in your district did you know you wanted him to be yours forever?" I know I have to be careful how I answer this because I don't want to say that the Hunger Games brought out my love for him.

"I did, and so did Gale, I told him all the time about my plans to spend my life with Peeta, I just never told Peeta because I was scared he wouldn't want the same." My voice gets quieter and quieter as I say this and there is a long pause in the conversation. Caesar lets my words linger in the air and then gets onto the more horrific things that I really didn't want to talk about that happened in the Games. But my answers aren't as interesting as they were for the love questions because it was vital I got that right and I think my words for the first time haven't failed me and maybe Peeta will know me well enough to understand how sorry I am.

The interview is wrapped up and I am bustled off to the train station carrying nothing but my gold pin. Tonight I will see Peeta again and I pray that he will forgive me; I just am scared he won't.


	22. Chapter 22

Katniss POV:

For the entirety of the train ride home I sat in my room (why I needed a room for a train that didn't take a day was beyond me) flipping the mockingjay pin between my fingers. I stared at it and hoped Peeta would believe me because had it been the other way round I don't know whether I would have trusted him. All I can think of is Peeta's face when he found out it was him going into the games before Gale volunteered. I am positive he looked relieved to be going in with me. He wanted to protect me just like Gale did. I want nothing more than to see him again but I just hope he wants to see me too.

Haymitch banged on my door telling me I had ten minutes before we got to the train station, he sounded very disorientated and his voice was incredibly slurred but seeing as Effie was in the Capitol he had to keep me up to date on my schedule. I rolled my eyes and then quickly pulled on a green silk blouse and black trousers, I found a pair of shoes that were vaguely comfortable and when I had re-braided my hair I looked in the mirror and just looked like an older version of myself. I have really aged during these games, I look frail and even though I gained weight before the games I am now thinner than I ever was. I look so fragile that I myself think I might snap.

I come out my room just in time as the train pulled into District Twelve's station. I waited as the doors opened and then there was a huge round of applause as at least half of our population seemed to be crammed onto the platform. Immediately my sister enveloped me into a hug and it was so warm that I melted into her, my mother joined us as well. I opened my eyes after the initial emotional shock of seeing my family and search for Peeta, but then Prim whispered,

"He didn't come Katniss, I'm so sorry. I don't know how he couldn't come after what you said last night." Her grip then became so tight that you would think the world would stop spinning if she let go. I didn't do anything because inside I feel hollow, if he didn't come then he must not care anymore, why else would he not want to see me. All my hope has drained from my body and I just don't understand.

Eventually after a hundred people had told me how happy they were that I had survived I finally got away. I was taken straight to my new Victors house where I was given a full tour but I paid no attention whatsoever. My mother and sister were so excited at seeing the house that they completely forgot how much I needed to see Peeta. Each room was as extravagant as the last, the kitchen fully kitted out and there was a study for Prim, a sitting room with a larger hologram than what you are supplied by the Capitol with if you can't afford one.

After seeing the tenth room I just left, I didn't want to know about the other rooms because they were all the same and they were not going to help with me rekindle everything with Peeta. When my family were heading to the next room I ran out the house and headed to the bakery. I had to go the long way around because if I ran into another person who wanted to tell me how happy they were that District Twelve finally had a female victor I would probably lose it, my fake smiles could only get me so far. I got to the back entrance of the bakery and there he was kneading bread as if he didn't know I was coming back. Or didn't care.

Peeta POV:

I can't avoid her forever, possibly not even for all of today but I just want to savour every minute I have before I hear all her apologies. I don't want my judgement clouded by all of her lies. I didn't bother watching either of her victory interviews because she has fooled me for the past two years, why wouldn't she try again. I stayed in my room looking out the window and if I saw a Peacekeeper I was going to run downstairs and pretend I had been there the whole time. I didn't go to meet her off the train because then she would think I care and even though I do still care about, I can't let her wriggle her way into my heart again because I know when it comes to Katniss I am weak.

I'm in the bakery right now, I have kneaded the life out of this dough because I don't want to think about the fact she will come to find me. All too soon I hear footsteps behind me and I don't have to look up to know it is Katniss so I just keep looking down, just looking at her ignites a spark within me.

"Shouldn't you be in your new house?" I ask only because I don't to talk about what she will want to talk about.

"Shouldn't you have been at the train station two hours ago?" She replies and she sounds really hurt but she can't turn this on me after everything she has done

"I didn't know it was compulsory." There was a long pause, she really sounded upset but she is acting, just like she has for as long as we have been together.

"Please will you look at me," I don't each glance I give her will give me pain. "Peeta please," Her voice is barely a whisper, I look up and her face is tear stained and blotchy, even in that state I get the immediate want to kiss her. "I need to explain, I only kissed Gale twice, he was so upset when I didn't have the same feelings as him and I thought if he was going to die to protect me the least I could do was give him one kiss." She has got to be kidding me, she has had all this time to come up with a lie and that is the best she has got.

"Why? Katniss why would you even consider that when you love me? Why put Gale's happiness before mine? What about the kiss in the arena? How long have you been together behind my back? Did you ever love me or were you using me? I need answers Katniss." All the questions that I have built up over the last week pour out my mouth, I know I need answers I am just afraid of what they will be.

"I don't know why I would do it I was confused and thought I might die too, the kiss in the arena I was tired, thirsty and scared, I got confused and thought I was kissing you. I never went behind your back before then, I promise you. Peeta of course I always loved you, the moment I saw you I never got you out my mind, you told me you loved me from when we were five, that doesn't just go." She is pleading at me.

"Katniss that makes no sense."

"How could that make no sense? I love you so much that when I am kept away from you I go crazy; I need to be with you. Peeta, you said you love me. You still love me; please say you still love me.". "PEETA PLEASE," She is screaming at me. "Do you love me?" Her voice is barely a whisper.

"Always."

**A/N: I will try to post the last chapter either tomorrow or the day after. Sorry I haven't updated for a while I wrote this yesterday but my internet crashed. **


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N:** **Sorry this chapter took so long to write, I have end of year exams coming up so I have been revising and been do this in my breaks. I hope you like it because this is the end of this fanfic.**

Katniss POV:

Relief flooded through me and for the first time since that kiss I thought we could be okay, we could be happy together and just move on.

"Katniss, of course I will always love you. How could I stop loving you when I thought you were the one for me from the age of five? But I can't ever trust you again I don't think, I can't be with the girl I don't trust. Love sometimes isn't enough." I don't know what to say, this isn't the Peeta I know. I get to properly look at him and he is like me, he looks older. The bags under his eyes must mean he has lost sleep over this and his blue eyes have gone icy and cold.

"Since when did you ever say love wasn't enough? You told me love was everything."

"Katniss, do you really think I would view things the same after this. Love is amazing yes, looking at you now I have explosions inside of me. But love is also the stupidest and most gullible thing. Katniss I have fallen for you and you didn't catch me so I don't trust you, and I won't again." I am at a loss for words. How can he say this if he heard me last night and this morning?

"Did you even watch my interviews? Or do you not care about what I said last night."

"I couldn't watch you lie about your feelings to the whole country after you have lied to my face for two years; if you can lie that easily then I will probably let you trick me into loving me again." He didn't watch he doesn't know how much I care.

"It was easy because it was the truth, why would I lie?" He must believe me, he has to. "Would you at least come to my house, the person showing me around said that I could get up any programs whenever I wanted to, you could see what I said."

"I don't see what good it would do but fine. Happy?" I don't answer I just lead him back the way I came sit him on the sofa and then put it on, I leave the room because I can't watch it again. I have told him how to skip through the bits that don't apply to this. After what seems like forever he comes back out. He seems shocked; he doesn't talk to me he just walks out. I follow him out the door but he is already streaking away and I know that there is no point following him, he mustn't care enough to explain to me. So I just stand there in the doorway of my new house and watch him leave me behind.

Peeta POV:

I am so confused that I don't know what to do; I have to get away now. I think I am just in complete shock, in my mind I have always wanted to marry her but I never thought the first time she would say it I wouldn't even bother to listen to her. I never thought she would say that after she had just kissed someone else, but I never thought she would kiss someone else. She shouldn't have said it like that though, I knew how that would be said, in four years time when we were both twenty I would take her to the meadow where I would have some cheese buns laid out because I know they were her favourite and then when she had eaten that I would tell her each and every reason why I love her finally I would lower myself onto one knee and ask her to marry me. I know it's cheesy but who cares isn't being in love pretty cheesy anyway. I guess most sixteen year olds don't think about how they will propose to their girlfriend but I used to think I was lucky right now I'm not so sure.

Then it homes in on me, I can feel that glowing feeling I get just thinking about her but I left her without another word. She knows I just heard her say she wants to spend the rest of her life with me and I left her stood there. I knew she had attempted to follow me outside the house which is why I ran and now it is dark and I can't go back to her; she is with her family and I can't stop her reunion with them. So I trudge my way back to my house angry with the fact I have been so selfish, so stupid.

Immediately my mother grabs my arm, my father in her tow and leads me through the town.

"We need to have a serious talk with the Everdeen's." Over the past few weeks she has been warmer to me, not kind as such but not as ferocious. She beat me less and even though I will never trust her I started to believe she was changing. "You and that Seam girl are ending this today. I was fine to pretend it didn't matter when I thought she was going to die. I thought it would teach you a lesson, she was no good for you and I thought you would realise that but clearly you are as stupid as your father." Behind her I caught my father's eye and he raised his eyebrows and smirked. "This ends today Peeta." Then she marched me to Victors Village and knocked on the house that had lights on.

Half of Prim's head peaked around the door and from behind her I heard Katniss ask who it was.

"It's the Mellarks" Prim called over her shoulder. I looked to my mother and saw her face had contorted into her fake smile and she used the sweetest voice she possessed and said,

"Hello Primrose, could we please come in?" it was a voice of such sweetness that I expect syrup to pour from her mouth.

"Of course Mrs Mellark," Prim gives us a smile that I have seen so often, she gives them out to everyone because she is genuinely kind; unlike my mother.

"Oh Primrose call me Caron **(She doesn't have a name so I made one up).**" My mother flashes one last smile before going in. I let my father in before me and then I followed him up. I am stood in awe of how grand this house is, she has everything she need and more. When I followed Prim into the living room I saw Katniss at the table, I assumed she would have been overjoyed to see her family seeing as she hasn't seen them for weeks but her face is blotchy and eyes slightly swollen.

"Hello Mrs Mellark, I don't mean to be rude but this is an emotional day for us, although I would love to speak to you, now is not the time." This is the first time I have heard Miss Everdeen speak; I have only met her once when I came to see Katniss as a '_friend' _and she just sat in the kitchen staring out the window. I said hello to her but she seemed not to notice I was there, Katniss later told me she has some kind of depression and hasn't spoken properly since her father died.

"I understand, but this issue is urgent. My son is far too young to be dating some girl." She waved her hand dismissively towards Katniss, looking down her nose to her.

"My daughter has a name, not only that but she has just survived death, she is by no means some girl so I would appreciate you being polite."

"Katniss is no longer permitted to see my son."

"I agree that she is too young to have a boyfriend but they can see each other with supervision." Katniss' mother had risen out her chair now and my mother had never sat down.

"You wouldn't offer any supervision because you are so depressed that you can barely care for your children." My mother had clearly hit a nerve and you could see Caron's eyes cloud over.

"How dare talk to my mother that way." It was Katniss this time that spoke to my mother, Katniss had always been angry with her mother for this, but to hear someone else say it must have pushed her too far.

"Young lady I will talk to her however I want." I saw Katniss' eyebrows rise and before she said something she would regret I butted in,

"Mum, we are guests in this house so you have to remain polite. Do not speak to Katniss like that." I moved around the table so I stood next to Katniss and did the only thing I could do now to show her that I do truly regret saying I don't trust her and I let my fingers slowly become entwined with hers and felt heat radiate just from the touch of her fingers.

"Katniss is just a seam girl so I will talk to her however I like. You however will not speak to her again if I have my way."

"Get out," my voice hisses through my teeth.

"Pardon," My mother says clearly astounded by my talking back to her.

"He said get out and if you don't I will show you exactly how I got an eleven in training." My mother's eyes flash temporarily with fear before looking even angrier.

"I see I am not going to be able to reason with you, I will have to deal with Peeta myself, we are leaving Peeta and I suggest you drop that girls hand and come with us or so help me I will not let you in my house again." My mother glared straight at me but before I could reply my father stepped forward who I had forgotten was here and said,

"If you don't let him in I will take all of our sons and bring them here. I will never let you see them again." I was so shocked that I didn't see my mother leave and my father walked up to me and said "don't let her go like I let her mother go." He awkwardly patted me on the back and then left. I stared after him for a while until I was brought back to my sense by Katniss.

"Peeta can we talk outside," I nod in response and even though the air is cold it is better than having to discuss this any further in front of Katniss' mum.

"Do you understand?" That is all she says.

"I think I can learn to trust you again but you have to promise me not to kiss anyone else out of pity," I smile and she laughs. The laugh I have dreamed of since she left. Without her saying anything in reply I lower my lips to her and let that warm feeling flood through me as her lips are against mine and that feeling of security has finally returned. I said to Katniss always and I am just waiting to prove to her that when it comes to us, always will last forever.


End file.
